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Title - American Beetle

Be raised by a Spanish-speaking single mother who’s obsessed with the freedoms of America.

Join paramilitary youth organizations such as the Boy Scouts at a young, impressionable age. Stay in the Boy Scouts until too old to participate and then become a Scoutmaster.

Never know your father and subsequently develop an inferiority complex at a very young age. Spend the rest of your life trying to make up your paternal deficit by protecting the innocent from evildoers such as Dr. Cube.

Use your fear of failing your patriotic mother’s memory as fuel for your brave feats. Don’t be afraid to yell “Momma” in times of need during Battel.

Use positive affirmations confirming America’s Manifest Destiny and your God-given right to uphold America’s superiority. Vow to win at all costs.

At the end of the day, rest easy knowing your NRA membership card is in your pocket and that you are living proof that the American dream is still hard at work