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Title - Brooklyn Commentary

After the triumphant resurgence of his Posse at New York's Ballroom Blitzed, Dr. Cube's joy faded quickly when he found there was no video record of the Battel. Infuriated, Cube set out to relive the evening by sending SDS-1 back in time. Thanks to some meddling with the Commissioner's alarm clock, the original contract signing for Ballroom Blitzed never occurred, and the Battel was wiped from the timeline. Instead the Commissioner scheduled the exact same Battel lineup for Philly Factory Fighto on May 31st in the City of Brotherly Love. But while Cube planned for a repeat of his previous success, the Kaiju Heroes had something different in mind.

Battel 1: Seafood Soup Surprise
Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle Defeated Unibouzu

The first sign that the evening might not go as Cube hoped appeared in the first Battel. In New York, Unibouzu had parlayed some timely assistance from fellow sea dweller Call-Me-Kevin into a victory over Soup. This time however the Batteling bouillon was having none of it. Fighting off a combined double team from Uni and Kevin, Kung-Fu unleashed his devastating new power-punch, the Five Fingered Chowder Fist, on Unibouzu. The pin was just a formality as the sheer force of the punch left Unibouzu incapacitated.

Battel 2: Easter Savior?
Dusto Bunny Takes Out the Trash Monster Gomi-man

In honor of Orthodox Easter, Dusto Bunny decided to reprise his special Easter Party Story Time with Louden Noxious. But the story barely got off the ground before the putrid Gomi-man rushed the Danger Cage seeking payback for his omission from the party invite list. After scaring Louden out of the Cage, Gomi came after the wise old Bunny with a brutal attack of suplexes, stink bombs, and toxic barrel smashings. Things were looking hare-y for Dusto when Gomi-man came after him with a vacuum cleaner. Thankfully, Louden finally got his courage up and yanked the cord out of the wall, stopping Gomi in his tracks. From then on, the Battel was Dusto's as he unleashed a barrage of jackrabbit punches and a hutch full of new moves, including the Flip Flop Leg Drop that left Cube's trash monster down in the dumps. Dusto then threw his attacker over his shoulder and deposited him in the dumpster outside the building.

Battel 3: Danger Duet
American Beetle and Slo Feng Defeated Sky Deviler and Mota Naru

American Beetle and Slo Feng, the respective prides of the USA and Sweden, were determined to reverse their misfortune at Ballroom Blitzed where they fell to the dirty tactics of Team Space Bug. While they were previously unprepared for the illegal use of the tag team enforcement scheme counterweights (a giant anvil and a bundle of cast iron sewer pipes), they knew exactly what to expect this time. Outsmarting and out-muscling Mota Naru and Sky Deviler, the patriotic pugilist and the Swedish wookie used the anvil and pipes to their advantage and picked up an easy win, reversing their New York misfortunes.

Battel 4: The Plantain Imposters Revealed
Los Plantanos Chased Off The Plantain Twin Imposters

The world's focus was on Los Plantanos after a new round of anti-banana attacks swept the globe and the freedom fighting brothers went missing once again. So when a duo purporting to be Los Plantanos arrived for the fan contest Referee Jingi and Louden Noxious were relieved. Soon their relief turned to horror as the Plantains began to beat the fan contestants before turning on Jingi and Louden. As the shocked crowd stared at their fruity Heroes gone rotten, a commotion was heard from the back.

Los Plantanos, still tied back-to-back by their captors, came barreling down to the Danger Cage. The real green Plantains then squared off against their yellow doppelgangers saving the humans in the ring from further harm. But a quick victory wasn't in the cards for the Plantains. Their Imposters knew their entire arsenal and countered each Cuban Clothesline and Plantain Hurricane with an attack of their own. The Battel was a stalemate until Pablo and Pedro used two well placed time outs (a seldom used, but quite legal, practice in impromptu Battels) to develop a brand new attack known as the Revolutionary Wheel. Faced with the awesome power of this new attack, the Imposters ran off, restoring Los Plantanos' reputation.

Battel 5: Championship Belt Contest
Hell Monkey Defeated Silver Potato

By the time the Championship Belt Contest rolled around, Dr. Cube's plans looked to be in jeopardy. Ballroom Blitzed was a night for evil, but in Philadelphia the Heroes were riding a clean sweep into the last match. The audience had high hopes that Silver Potato would keep up the Heroic winning streak and defeat the Posse. And at first it looked like things would indeed go the Spud's way. He nearly pinned Hell Monkey before Gomi-man rushed the ring. While Potato disposed of the trash monster, the Battel took a turn for the worse as Cube's Minions accosted Jingi.

Without the Minister of Justice in the Danger Cage, the Battel turned into a free-for-all. As Dino Kang Jr., Los Plantanos, a horde of Minions, the mysterious Hulking Jingi, and Dr. Cube scuffled on the outside, a pair of towering Super Minions rushed the cage. Super Minions #105 and #96 used their giant size and mutated appendages to ravage the Potato, beating Kaiju's most beloved Hero until he could barely fight back. Cube then commanded his creations to finish off his archenemy. To the horror of the crowd in attendance, Minion #105 lifted Potato's limp body over his head and threw the Spudster over the Danger Cage wall sending him plummeting to the ground below! Pulling Potato's lifeless carcass from the rubble, the Posse dragged him into the ring and forced a revived Referee Jingi to make the 3-count for Hell Monkey.

Despite all that had failed in his plan to relive Ballroom Blitzed, Dr. Cube was ultimately victorious. With the belt around Hell Monkey's waist, and Silver Potato in critical condition, Cube was ecstatic. His Posse celebrated late into the night, while the Kaiju Heroes and their supporters wept for Potato and prayed for his recovery. Even the stalwart Salbino Industries crew could not help shedding tears over the tragedy that had unfolded. But even in defeat, the Heroes promised that they would be back, and that Cube's reign would be a short one.