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Title - Rampage New York

On an overcast Thursday evening in November, Kaiju Big Battel descended upon the Roxy in the Big Apple for Kaiju Rampage New York. This highly anticipated Battel featured the debut of the Danger Type Selector Wheel and the first-ever Rat Trap, Lucky Charm, and Weapons of Mass Destruction Battels, new Kaiju Hero RoBox, and the messiest Danger Zone yet. Early on in the evening, the massive crowd -- which set the record for the largest indoor event ever with a staggering 123,689 rabid fans in attendance -- danced, mingled, and drank to the sounds of DJ Justine. Extra-special security, added by the club in light of the massive number of spectators and the high potential for Danger, caused an extended delay -- so when Louden Noxious's entrance music hit, fans were foaming at the mouth for the Battel to begin.

Battel 1: Can-Box Battel
RoBox defeats Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle

thumb1Last time Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle Batteled in New York, the night ended with Hero Club Sandwich dead in a local hospital. In an effort to protect the citizens of New York from a similar tragedy, the Commissioner did what he does best: he commissioned a new Hero to be built by Robo Dynamics. Unfortunately, due to tough economic times, the budget for this project was a mere $337.63. However the geniuses at Robo Dyamics applied their world-renowned robotics skills with a newfound resourcefulness to create the cardboard-based RoBox.

As his creator Dr. Nikolai Orekhov demonstrated RoBox's capabilities to the crowd, Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle charged the ring, ready to claim another victim in his culinary-killing spree. RoBox however proved to be nearly impervious to pain, absorbing several blows before striking a fitting blow against Sandwich's slayer. Using his specially fabricated can-opener appendage, RoBox ruptured Soup's can, causing him to bleed soup just as he had caused Sandwich to bleed Mayo on the fateful night in Brooklyn.

Unable to staunch the flow of soup, Chicken Noodle launched a last ditch flurry of attacks against RoBox in an attempt to escape unscathed from the Battel. Just as he began to climb the Danger Cage however, Dr. Nikolai entered a series of commands for a new Robox offensive. Quickly the recycled Robox overcame Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle and soon pinned the rogue with his signature move, the Reverse Defragmenter.

Match 2: Danger Type Selector Wheel
Unibouzu defeats Sky Deviler

thumb2 At the behest of the Commissioner and Danger Theorists across the globe, Kaiju Rampage New York saw the debut of the Danger Type Selector Wheel. Spun by Kaiju announcer Louden Noxious, this Danger-enhancing tool, passed over such Dangerous Battels as Cheese Puff Fighto, Kaiju Kitten Fighto, Southern Fried Cockfight, and Electro Cage Fighto and settled on quite possibly the most Dangerous Battel ever: the Weapons of Mass Destruction Battel.

The Battel began with the belligerent urchin Unibouzu and the gluttunous Sky Deviler surround by a Danger Cage full of weapons, including spears, a broad sword, a battle axe, and a war hammer. Early on the two creatures fought to a standstill, trading blow for blow. In an effort to break the stale mate they vied for what looked to be the most powerful weapon in the Battel: a giant sword. But when they tried to remove the sword from the stone it was embedded in, neither of the two troublemakers was able to budge it. When Referee Jingi attempted to remove it however the sword came free immediately, adding to the mystery and myth surrounding Kaiju's minister of justice.

After escaping a near beheading by Sky Deviler, Unibouzu was further frustrated by his nemesis Uchu Chu, who delivered a twenty kiloton bomb to his fellow Team Space Bugger. While luckily for everyone involved the bomb turned out to be a dud, this blatant interference sent Unibouzu into a rage and he quickly picked up the victory, scoring his first official win in the Big Battel.

Match 3: Tag-Team Championship Rematch
Los Plantanos vs. Napalean and Super Dimensional Slug 1

thumb3 Following a messy, toxic sludge-filled game of Truth, Dare, or Danger, Dr. Cube's powerful new tag team of Napalean and Super Dimensional Slug-1 came to the ring. Or to be more accurate, the terrible lizard Napalean came to the ring. Dr. Cube continued to experience problems with his control device for SDS-1, and the slug spent well over 583 seconds making his way into the cage. Meanwhile Los Plantanos arrived to the joyous cheers of the crowd less those who had been knocked unconscious by Napalean's sleep sray.

Los Plantanos, deteremined to avenge their loss at Boston Roxy Ruckus, took advantage of SDS-1's absence by launching a series of tag team maneuvers against their giant opponent. To their dismay however, the lumbering beast shook off the Cuban Clothesline, and the Plantain Hurricaine, and eventually shrugged off double splashes from the top of the cage!

Napalean then launched a ferocious attack on the Plantain twins and finally received some support from SDS-1, who Dr. Cube managed to coax into plummeting from the top of the cage onto the prone brothers below and, along with Napalean scoring, the double pin. For the second Battel in a row, Dr. Cube's Posse left the Cage victorious, leaving Los Plantanos no choice but to retreat back to their jungle hideout to regroup.

Match 4: Toxic Rescue
Gomi-man Vs Slo Feng

thumb4 After Cube's Posse's defeat of Los Plantanos many in the crowd began to fear a repeat of Kaiju Roxy Boston where Hero after Hero fell victim to the Posse and Team Space Bug. Things were not looking bright, when Cube's trash monster Gomi-man, fresh off a series of fatal toxic splashings of humans, arrived. After Gomi-man doused several audience members with radioactive slime, he prepared to unload an entire barrel of waste on yet another innocent human.

Having seen just about enough of Gomi-man's wave of terror recently reinstated Hero Slo Feng, made his way to the Danger Cage wielding his powerful war hammer Tordon Skalle-Kressa. What followed was one of the most one sided Battels ever to occur within the confines of the Danger Cage.

Delivering blood-splattering blow after blood-splattering blow to the toxic monster, Slo Feng dominated Dr. Cube's monster and left him crumpled on the Cage floor. After striking one more mighty blow with Tordon Skalle-Kressa, Slo Feng scored the quick pin, and coolly strolled out of the cage the victor.

Match 5: Lucky Charm Contest
American Beetle Vs. Call-Me-Kevin

thumb5 The Lucky Charm Contest was a unique Battel designed by the Commissioner to give two down-in-the-dumps Kaiju a chance to break out of their funks. American Beetle had recently been hospitalized after a toxic sliming by Gomi-man, and Call-Me-Kevin was terribly depressed over his failure to notch a victory since arriving in the Big Battel. The rules of the Battel were simple: whoever climbs into the giant box of Rucky Charms cereal and finds the Lucky Charm wins the Battel.

As American Beetle was rolled to the Danger Cage in a wheel chair by his lovely nurse, many in attendance were shocked by his appearance. The once trim Hero had swollen to nearly ten times his original size, and was barely able to smile at his adoring fans from behind a respirator. Then as the stunned crowd looked on in fear, Call-Me-Kevin bounded into the Cage and tossed the crippled Hero out of the wheel chair.

Call-Me-Kevin took advantage of American Beetle's weakened state and pummeled the patriotic pugilist. The crowd however refused to allow their champion to be defeated and their chants of "U-S-A! U-S-A!" brought Beetle to his feet and willed him to make his way into the Rucky Charm Box. As he dug through the cereal, Call-Me-Kevin turned against the nurse and began attacking her.

Then, just in the nick of time, American Beetle found the purple horseshoe, and broke through the box, rejuvenated and transformed back to his old svelt form. Rescuing his nurse from Call-Me-Kevin, American Beetle unloaded all of his classic moves upon the spikey ocean dweller. When Call-Me-Kevin momentarily managed to retaliate, he made the fatal mistake of disrespecting the luck charm by using it to depict several lewd gestures.

This drew out Rucky the Leprechaun himself who used his giant wooden spoon to attack Call-Me-Kevin. Beetle and the Leprechaun then teamed up for several attacks on Call-Me-Kevin, finally finishing him off with the Two-Man Celtic Chokeslam.

Match 6: Kaiju Big Battel Championship Belt Battel
Silver Potato vs. Uchu Chu the Space Bug

thumb6 Silver Potato and Uchu Chu have had many memorable Battels over the years, but none was ever quite like this. Thanks to the Commissioner's surprise inclusion of the Danger Type Selector Wheel in this Battel, the floor of the Danger Cage was lined with hundreds of Rat Traps, all of which were designed to snap their steely jaws on insect and vegetable alike.

This brutal environment set the tone for a brutal Battel. The two long time rivals exchanged painful moves that exploited the rat traps- back drops, pile drivers, and scores of other ingenious attacks. At one point in the Battel, Uchu Chu even used Referee Jingi himself as a projectile, knocking Silver Potato onto a pile of traps. The Uber Tuber would not be defeated though, and fought back valiantly, stopping only to offer, much to the New York crowd's delight, a B-Boy tribute to Jam Master Jay.

The Battel raged until a spate of run-ins threw everything askew with Sky Deviler, Unibouzu, and Anna Dromeda all making their presence felt. Finally, after clearing the ring Silver Potato gained the advantage over Uchu Chu eventually leaving the Space Bug stunned in the center of the Cage. Potato then called for Kaiju's Heroes and members of the Salbino Industries crew to pile all manner of Battel debris on Uchu Chu before delivering the Spudsault from the top of the Cage for the win.

As the Roxy crowd departed into the cold New York evening, they had much to be pleased with: the Heroes had made quite the comeback after their collective drubbing in Boston at the previous Battel - Slo Feng was back with a vengeance, RoBox avenged Sandwich's death in Brooklyn, American Beetle was back to his familiar shape, and most importantly Silver Potato was still the holder of the Kaiju Championship Belt.