tools tool join tool book tool board tool email
Save the Kaiju

"Save The Kaiju" was a benefit show to keep the Big Battel afloat. The corrupt years under Dr. Cube's rule have ravaged the KRC, and with it all of KBB's financial reserves. So now, like public television, we must beg for support.

Special musical guests "Poison Ivy League" were introduced by Louden, but alas their singer was a no-show. Louden, never one to miss the limelight, volunteers to take over for the missing troubadour. After one too many songs, Cycloptopuss came out enraged, and started destroying every thing in sight of his one eye. Quickly following was Referee Donimichi, who blew his whistle so hard it looked like his eyes would pop from his head. All his tooting and tweeting brought out esteemed Kaiju Hero, Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder. Mid-fighto Sun Buster came out to give him a hand. To thunderous applause, Boulder quickly put Cycloptopuss in his place and vowed to Save the Kaiju, "if it's takes every ounce of pumice I've got"... Louden proceeded to interview Boulder post fighto, snubbing Sun Buster. Sun Buster left the ring in a huff while Boulder soaked up the adulation of the crowd.

Pablo's Death

Next up for the night was a friendly exhibition match, Hero vs. Hero, all in the name of charity. French Toast, The Awful Waffle, from Grenoble, France vs. Dusto Bunny. Kaiju's wise old sage. The winner would donate his victory purse to the "Save The Kaiju" fund. Dusto and Toast started out strong, then suddenly toast called for a substitution. Louden protested but Referee Donimichi consulted his rule book and stated, "Toast may have his substitution but must choose from ether Bacon, Sausage, Hash Browns, or Yarsminko." Yarsminko ran in and immediately started to play dirty- so much for a goodwill match for charity. Paco Plantain came to the rescue and they double-teamed yarsminko with fancy two man double moves. Yarsminko was pinned by Dusto for the win. Dusto graciously donated his winnings to the cause.

Louden then got our first tally of how much money we had raised so far. It's not nearly enough. Powa Ranjuru came out and offered to auction off her personal candy collection. After successfully selling off some choice pieces, lo and behold, Shrooma Tango emerged from backstage. Shrooma didn't like that Powa was getting all the attention, and decided that he should sell off some of his candy, like dirt flavored Jelly Beans and Black Spice Drops. Tensions were high and a fighto ensued. Dino Kang came out enticed by the smell of High Fructose Corn Syrup. Initially Dino Kang was confused by his close friend Powa Ranjuru feuding with his Cube Posse team mate but in the end Dino Kang showed his loyalty to his friend rather than his coworker.

Louden and Beav did their part for this telethon by singing a duet. Suddenly from behind the curtain came the maniacal laughter of Dr. Cube. Louden proclaims this to be impossible because, "Cube is Dead!" Dr. Cube appeared, and suddenly in a blinding flash of red fur and hellish rage the cube head was torn asunder to reveal the satanic simian, Hell Monkey. In a girlish squeal, hell Monkey declared himself the new leader of Dr. Cubes Posse. Louden, ever the hater of all things Cube, proclaimed that he wouldn't take it. "Cube is dead. All you posse members should just go file for unemployment... Give it up! The posse is no more!" Hell Monkey's answer? A beat down! Hell Monkey got Louden into a submission hold and was choking the life out of him when none other than American Beetle came to the rescue. American beetle blindsided Hell Monkey, using Metal Wing Blacks guitar- An epic fighto indeed. In the end the one eyed demon from the dark side ran away with his tail between his legs, vowing revenge. American beetle saved Louden once again.

Once again, again Louden asked the studio audience to donate their spare change to the cause. As they poured the spare change into the tabulator, the machine announced that we had made it to the halfway point toward the night's goal. To celebrate this, the Kaiju Commissioner authorized a 100 T-Shirt Giveaway!

Craw interrupted and grabbed the mic. He went on about how he had been unemployed ever since Dr. Cube hung him out to dry. Craw revealed that Dr. Cube was buried with a horde of stolen gold. He went on to mutter, that he knew where Cube was buried, because he dug the grave. He vowed to take that gold reserve and run off to Haiti. Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder ran out and tried to beat the location out of him. Boulder went a little too far, and KO'd the cretin. Boulder instructed the Salbinos to haul him back stage. Boulder then declared "I'll get the truth outta that rainbow munch... He'll talk when he finds himself between a rock and a hard place!"

Pedro vs Powa

Louden called out Kung Fu Chicken Noodle. He had been accepted into the Hero Faction, and Louden wished to give him a Certificate of Hero-dom. Kung Fu Chicken Noodle announced that he would give the "Save The Kaiju" fund 50,000 Battel Bucks for every fighter that he defeated at the telethon's precedings. If anyone was to defeat him, they would receive 500,000 battel Bucks. Greed is a powerful motivator. The furious Furies were the first to take up the challenge. Tucor and The Grudyin attacked with the hunger of a thousand bees. After much mayhem and danger, Tucor took one in the beak. The pain was too much for him, and he scurried off back stage. The scab just back from Paris, thought that the furies had softened him up enough. Suddenly it was Scab and Grudyin facing Soup. Soup picked the scab and tossed him out. Iron Brother Fist came out. His motivation was not greed, but REVENGE! He wants Soup dead, plain and simple. Soup killed his brothers Iron Claw and Iron Mace not long ago. Soup treated him with the same respect he gave his brothers...None. Brother Fist was taken care of, but Grudyin grabbed Soup from behind, putting him in a bear hug.

Luckily, Sun Buster came out for the save.... But wait!! After being snubbed by Louden earlier in the night in favor of fan favorite Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder, he was jealous of his fellow Heroes for "stealing all the glory". Sun Buster kicked Soup to the ground and gave him a flying control drop off the top rope. Sun Buster then left in a huff, only to be replaced with one of Dr. Cubes former lackeys- Shrooma Tango. The mushroom menace partnered with the Grudyin to grapple with Soup. Soup is just too much for them to handle, so they called out the big guns...

Sekmet, The mercenary from the cosmos made his way to the ring. Soup knocked Grudyin and Shrooma to the ground and released the legendary "Five Finger Chowder Fist" upon Sekmet before he even had a chance to enter the ring. Sekmet fell down in a thunderous crash, crushing the few remaining building still standing out side the ring. The Salbinos were shocked and angered at the senseless destruction of their buildings, but quickly forget. Something more important had happened. Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle has KO'd Shrooma Tango, and pinned the Grudyin! Soup did it. He raised 600,000 Battel Bucks for the "Save The Kaiju" fund. We reached the night's goal all thanks to the newest Hero of Kaiju Big Battel. Kung Fu Chicken Noodel!