As part of his continuing campaign to legitimize himself as a serious journalist, Louden Noxious recently began an interview series, starting with Dr. Cube himself. This week, Louden sits down with Uchu Chu, debaucherous leader of Team Space Bug.
[Louden Noxious:] So, lets start with the question that everyone has been asking, where the hell have you been?
[Uchu Chu:] Well, fighting all the time gets boring. I like to live it up too, and I have a Swarm of young ones to watch over now. There are many important responsibilities when you are the king of The Swarm. So, yeah, I have been on an extended vacation.
Um, kind of like a maternity leave? OK, so what is new with Team Space Bug?
We have been building a new hive. We have a new Team Space Bug member. His name is Dai Hachi Hachi. He's a little green, but he's a quick learner. He's the only Space Bug that is interested in learning anything. I couldn't teach Sky Deviler to empty a can. I couldn't even teach Sky Deviler to make it to the can.
Speaking of Sky Deviler, Dr. Cube has accused you of stealing his monster meat idea...
Cube didn't invent the concept of gross commercialism. If it makes you feel any better, all proceeds from Sky Deviler Meat go to the save the egg fund. Kidding...
Hahahahahaha... seriously. What are your plans for retrieving Sky Deviler's egg from Dr. Cube's Posse? You do plan on getting the egg back? You seemed to be repeatedly poached by alien egg problems!
The egg will be stolen back. I have a bigger problem on my hands now, rescuing Mota Naru.
Can you explain the "egg" that belched out of Sky Deviler's mouth before he died? Is this another hatching of a new swarm?
It was the first time I ever witnessed a Sky Deviler birth. As a Sky Deviler dies, they give birth to a single egg. Do not expect a new Swarm, but do expect the direct descendent of Sky Deviler.
Why does Dr. Cube have such an interest in it?
Because it rolled into his lap at the Battel.
What do you miss most about Sky Deviler?
I'm not the sentimental type... I do miss that little wheezing noise he'd make after he had eaten a big meal. I don't miss cleaning out his eye sleet.
What do you think about the threats Dr. Cube is making against you and Team Space Bug? I mean, Dr. Cube chopping off Mota's arm and holding him hostage is pretty serious stuff.
Of course it's serious, its Kaiju Big Battel, but it's not as serious as the Royal Jelly drought that we're going through right now. If Cube wants to play that way, I can play too. I can chop off limbs from a hostage.
Why does Dr. Cube seem to have a never-ending vendetta against bugs from outer space?
Cube's threatened by our power to destroy. He has to make monsters to carry out his destructive plans. But Space Bugs are born with a natural ability to destroy mankind.
I've heard rumors that you have lost everything from Battels to the keys to your spaceship as a result of your Royal Jelly habit. What's up with the Royal Jelly?
I like how Jelly makes me feel.
That's it? Are you worried that it is destructive to you and the rest of Team Space Bug.
I'm still here. What else do you want? I'll leave the evil overachiever roll to the blockhead.
If the Royal Jelly drought gets as bad as the drought that befell your native planet Xertoid, would you leave Earth?
If I had a working spaceship, I'd leave this cursed dump and never look back.
Um, Ok. So, Mung Wun certainly has been busy. Tell us about her new autobiography "Herssssssssstory"?
The book is both about her struggle in the male dominated world of Kaiju Big Battel, and the struggle of a mother who just wants enough jelly to feed her many offspring.
So, does American Beetle get ANY visitation rights? It is a really big Swarm after all. Can't he father just one?
That red, white and blue dirtball gets just what he deserves, nothing. The only thing he can father is impotence. He has no skill in or outside the Danger Cage. If he wants visitation rights, he can go to the Visitor Welcome Center off the state highway.
OK, OK. Finally, the question all Kaiju fans want to know; When are we gonna see Uchu Chu back in the Big Battle ring?
I'm back. Cube should make no mistake about it.
Hell yeah, there you have it, folks. The Bug is back!
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