Major Mayhem Forcast for 2014
The Kaiju Commissioner has been gearing up to bring you an epic 2014 to celebrate Kaiju Big Battel's 20th year.
Next up Friday, June 13, 2014 Kaiju Big Battel presents Triskaidekaphobia. Thats right Kaiju Big Battel is coming to Chicago for the first time. All of your favorite Kaiju will be in attendance including Dr. Cube and his Posse, The Rogues, The Heroes, Space Bugs, and more. Who knows what is going to happen this evening of mayhem, but one thing is for sure, it will be one of the most fun nights of your life.
Also in the works for Oct. 2014 is Shpadoinkal Mania 20. Stay tuned.
Yarsminko Released from Dr. Cube Contract
It's a familiar conundrum: an overpriced vending-machine candy bar dangles on a spiral hook, tantalizingly out of reach and refusing to drop.
For most of us, that mid-meal snack crisis usually ends in vanquishment. But not for Yarsminko, whose victory over a disobliging vending automaton ultimately cost him his position in the Posse.
Yarsminko was working out in the Cube training warehouse in Missile, Texas when he decided to break for a snack. He says he deposited $2 in a vending machine, selected a Skybar, and then watched as the candy bar crept forward in its slot, began its descent and was abruptly snagged by a spiral hook that held it suspended in midair.
"I was, like, 'aw, man...Dude " said Yarsminko. "So I put in another two dollars, and then it wouldn't do anything, so then I put in another two dollars, and then it wouldn't do anything again. I'm out what... six or seven bucks"
At first, Yarsminko's frustration took the customary route. He banged the side of the machine. He tried rocking it back and forth. He called the 1-800 number on the side of the machine only to be connected to a chatline.
But when that didn't work, Yarsminko walked away and commandeered a vial of PFT-8000 "lifting juice" according to state unemployment compensation records.
He reportedly picked up the vending machine, lifted it 6 feet off the concrete warehouse floor - then gave it a "Backbreaker". He allegedly repeated the maneuver at least six times, by which time three candy bars had fallen into the chute for his retrieval, a Zagnut, a Clark bar and the aforementioned Skybar
When the compound supervisor confronted him, Yarsminko allegedly explained he was simply trying to get the snack he had paid for.
He was released from his contract five days later.
Just when you thought the strange story of Giii was over...
The former home of self proclaimed "Space Pirate" Giii burned down Thursday afternoon under circumstance he told reporters were "suspicious."
It's an odd choice of words from someone whom the Mexico police found suspicious, following the December 2012 robbery of a well-liked curry stand in Podasaqua, Mexico involving a toy gun.
That incident led Giii on a bizarre "Catch Me If You Can" flight from the police that took him into Guatemala and eventually to Poland than back to Mexico, where he now resides, hard at work on several books and movies about his life. Giii chronicled his own exploits by blog and phone, turning the crime into farce.
"I am sure that the public has had various opinions of my trials and tribulations over the months," Giii said. "But I am hoping that this will bring to light that my concerns were based in reality."
"I believe that there are a select few with great power in the U.S. that will go to great lengths to harm me," Giii said. "This fire was not just a strange coincidence and neither was my deportation from the U.S."
According to a news report on 7newsblast.tv, the two main structures in Giii's compound were destroyed by the fire, which started at 1:00 a.m. on December 16 when a bush fire enveloped the compound. He is now living out of his "dynamite storage bunker"
Insurance Adjuster Carlos Nubli estimates the value of the straw and wooden buildings at $250 each, 7newsblast.tv said.
Giii, whose very name is synonymous with crazy scams, has repeatedly defended his antics over the past six months, most recently in a recent interview last week with Pirates Today.
"I am not a crazed alien," he said. "I am eccentric, gracious, attentive, kind, humorous. You humans are the funny creatures. I love cats, I don't eat them... where do you people come up with this stuff"
Question of the week?
You found it where?
Where is the Grand Championship Belt? UPDATE
During the chaos of the blackout, the Kaiju Grand Championship belt was stolen by no other than the Gambling Bug! Why did he take the greatest prize in all of Kaiju? To risk it all on the rulet table? Will another Kaiju Hero stand up and fight this unjustic after French Toasts bitter failer to do so?
After a three way tussle over the Belt and Slo Fengs Hammer, Slo Feng put the Gambling Bug and Cycloptopuss in their respective "Place". Slo Feng however had no intrest in the belt whatsoever after securing the win and his Hammer he left the ring. Why would he leave the belt? He just felt it did not rightfully belong to him.
Once Cycloptopuss and The Gambling Bug realized the belt was unattended they proceeded to fight once more over it. Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder arrived on the scene and laid down the law. The belt he said "must be earned, its not some cheap carnival prize you get for poppin a few balloons... You have to fight for the right to wear this prize...I will hold the Belt till the Commish decides one o' yo peanut butter munchen fo lunchen fools is deemed worth of the honer of fighten for this...oh that reminds me, buy my new Steam Powered Tentacle Waffers TODAY, only one dollar...stay in school"
The Commissioner has set up a commission to study the problems of a vacant title and will have an answer for the public soon.
Dr. Cube plays musical heads! Update
Turns out Uni and Tucor were not the only victims of the bizarre machinations enacted by Dr. Cube. Virtually every member of the posse that showed up to JaPandamoniun became embroiled in an epic game of musical heads. The plane was an obvious failure as the mismatched heads seamed to effect the bodies dexterity, agility and drool factor. Needless to say none of the surgical swap recipients were successful in their endeavors.
Dr. Cube refused to comment on his action only saying "No comment, its time for tea and those little sandwiches." He has not been acting as his abnormal self. Insiders report he has also been reading Tom Chancy novels and playing "snappy" big band music in his lab. What's going on with the bad doctor? Most experts believe he is not acting like himself because he is not.
News and Notes
Dino Kang needs eye surgery.
Metal Wing Black takes up MMA, says its much safer than fighting monsters.
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Sun Buster "A" button broken in tussle with Sekmet
Grudyin says he found a worm in his MacDougel's salad (and it was delicious).
Craw no shows to show, could not get out of his part time job at King Richard's Donuts.
Baby Sky Deviler is now Kid Deviler.
Salbino Inc. loses shipment of 100 uniforms and helmets,claims they must have fallen off the back of the truck.