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Kaiju Crowns New Champion and YOU Won't Belive Who It Is!

It was the Main Event that will have Kaiju fans talking for years to come, American Beetle defended the Grand Championship against Super Minion 13 at Niagara Brawls...but as to be expected, it wasn't without shenanigans, as Dr. Cube brought out swaths of Minions to assault the Star Spangled Beetle. What would ensue would be a cavalcade of crazy involving help from not only Powa Ranjuru, but Silver Potato...all with the final stage of the Erebus/Plantain "Niagara Falls Count Anywhere" match happening RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of the action! While the Heroes all mounted an amazing comeback, by the end of the fracas, Plantain had been dispatched by Erebus, Powa Ranjuru and Potato were down, and Beetle would be fighting on alone with an injured ankle.

Despite this, Beetle managed to turn things around and get the upper hand on 13! Unfortunately with victory in sight for Beetle, Cube then pulled the most nefarious card of all and threatened to prematurely shut off the Falls if Beetle didn't immediately hand over the belt to him right there in the middle of the Big Ring! Despite the vocal objections of the crowd and visibly distressed by having to make this decision...on bended knee, Beetle acquiesced and Cube was literally handed the championship.

While new Grand Champion Cube was gloating in the ring, Beetle stopped on his way out to deliver a farewell message to the crowd AND made a stunning declaration: that he was cashing in on the rightful rematch clause, RIGHT THEN AND THERE. But due to the injury, he did the right thing and turned it over to fellow Hispanic Hero (and perennial "number one contender") Pedro Plantain, who despite the brutal bout with Erebus, had JUST enough in him to take the fight to the taken aback Doctor! After a fighto that was 2 fast and 2 furious, Pedro Plantain, after over two decades in the Big Battel, and after losing so much over the course of his life (including both his dear brother Pablo AND the grueling match just moments before), finally won the big one in the Big Battel by triumphing over Dr. Cube and getting the three count.

Congratulations to Pedro Plantain, and thank you American Beetle for your dedicated service as Grand Champion in these dark times as well as your charitable donation; you really are a Real American Hero!

 

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Sun Buster Seeking Dropped Phone Falls in Garbage Chute

Brooklyn (KBBN) - Sun Buster, looking for a dropped cellphone ended up in a stinky situation, tumbling head first into a building's garbage chute where he had to be rescued.

Brooklyn, NY, Vinny Magpile of the NY fire dept. says the Kaiju Hero was throwing out trash while helping out at an apartment building for the elderly when he thought he dropped his cellphone in the chute. Magpile says that Sun Buster leaned in to check, slipped on a used wet-nap and fell inside.

Magpile says Sun Buster was able to call 911 from inside the garbage chute around 3 a.m. Sunday, using the spare phone in his utility belt. A video posted online shows firefighter rescue crews tossing sandwiches down the chute to the Kaiju Hero. They eventually hauled him out using a harness.

Magpile says "Sun Buster obviously didn't learn nothin' when he fought Erubus at "Knowing is Half The Battel...lucky for him the incinerator was turned off for the weekend".

 

Question of the week?

Is California ready for the Big Battel?

News and Notes

Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder cancels his memoir, "My life is just hitting prime time baby!""

Tucor loses pants on NY subway.

Man clams to have seen legendary "Agrobat".

Kaiju Toy Kiosk has not been Updated.

Derano attacks cyclist who interrupts his daily bread feeding.

Slo Feng jumps lesser known Venti Canyon on his Motorcycle, says he will jump Trenta Canyon soon.

Dr. Cube "accidentally" releases swarm of feral parakeets into Boston subway. Service unaffected.

Monger King hails cab. 12 killed.

 

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Fidget Spinners Cause Industrial Disaster

Just last week,Cycloptopuss was cavorting in the waters south of Hong Kong when he spotted a cargo ship loaded with containers labeled toys. Reportedly, Cycloptopuss hit upon the idea of stealing a few dozen of the containers and then giving the toys away to Kaiju fans, in a crass attempt to boost his popularity. But when he found the ship to be filled with fidget spinners he realized his plan would never succeed, so he sent the cargo ship careening into a nearby tanker hauling coconut oil, sinking both ships causing the worst coconut oil spill in decades.

 

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