Civil Wars, The Aftermath
The war is over, the south has won but the struggle goes on for the northern Kaiju. Will the Kaiju Heroes will be ready to spring into action on May 20 in Somerville, MA at ONCE? How will the newly elected Commissioner Louden Noxious deal with the reconstruction of the northern division? Will Dusto Bunny regain his Arm Wrestling Title? Will the remnants of the army of alternate earth Dr. Cubes rise up and menace the earth and all who dwell upon it? Will Once be serving tacos? All these questions and more will be answered on MAY 20 in Somerville, MA don't miss it.
...and don't forget we will be in Pittsburgh, PA in June for more batteling action.
Stay tuned for more info as it develops.
The Commissioner is Dead, Long Live the Commissioner
Commissioner RoBox has been put out of commission after being attacked by now-former Kaiju Grand Champion Uchu Chu. At "KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTEL", Uchu Chu was upset with Robox for stripping him of the belt. Robox said he had no choice in the matter as Uchu Chu has repeatedly no-showed & refused to defend the belt for over a year.
The Kaiju Grand Championship was put up for grabs in a fighto between American Beetle and Dr. Cube. After a hard won battel involving snakes, power gloves, pizza and turtle shells, American Beetle prevailed and was named Kaiju Grand Champion as well as leader of the Kaiju North team for Civil Wars in Orlando.
However, RoBox did not survive the night. Prior to the Fighto an irate (and incredibly inebriated) Uchu Chu came out to mercilessly beat robox with a chair, shattering every circuit, diode, & CRT tube in his cardboard mainframe. Top techs from Robodynamics were unable to reboot his system. "We will have to do a complete rebuild and OS install, which will take months once we get all the paperwork sorted out. Also, do they still make Soundblaster AWE 64s?" - asked Johnny "Wailin'" Riggs, Robodynamics Intern.
This left Kaiju without a Commissioner, and with Civil Wars on the horizon, the KRC had to act fast.
In a strange twist of fate, none other than Louden Noxious mysteriously returned! Louden was last seen the night of "Ends of the World" in Queens, NY when he was abducted in a white van and not seen since. The Louden that has returned is not the same man we once knew. His brain has been transplanted into the body of a puppet. Some experts believe this is just another convoluted plot of Dr. Cube. Others believe he made a deal with the Tattooed Swami for everlasting life and this was the price he had to pay. But regardless of how and why he was returned, the KRC deemed his was the best man/puppet/person for the job. As his uncle held the job for 30 years Ń they unanimously agreed that he is up to the task.
Will Louden take the commissionership to new heights or is he just a pawn of the evil Dr. Cube? Only time will tell.
Question of the week?
News and Notes
Dr. Cube "accidentally" releases swarm of feral parakeets into Boston subway. Service unaffected.
Monger King hails cab. 12 killed.
Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder shopping his memoir, "You CanŐt Squeeze Blood from a Stone: The Tentacled Terra Terror Talks"
Tucor embracing the streak after second straight mania weekend win.
#13 approached about new workout dvd after Civil Wars performance.
Dr Cube mistaken for Dr Cube at Boston area airport.
Working on something today will send your way.
Hey there, Kaiju fans! It's your favorite door-to-door woodsman, Senior Announcer, and crack reporter Slice O'Reilly here with the latest installment of what I call the "Kaiju Katch Up!" The combatants in the Big Battel are usually too pre-occupied in the Danger Cage to let us know what's going on in their lives so I - your selfless, trepidation, hirsute hero - have taken it upon himself to risk life & limb & well-manicured beard to delve into the depths of the Kaiju world to get YOU the inside scoop and hot gossip!
I have decided to join the Southern Division down here in sunny Florida. Go with the winners, that is my philosophy, so if you want my job post your audition reel to youtube and send us a link at info @ kaiju.com. I will personally view each and everyone and chose a winner that will win my job. So if you like long hours and low pay, death and destruction with a side of monster fluids don't delay, post your tape today.
Super Wrong arrested after refusing to stop twerking
Super Wrong ended up in jail after police said he refused to stop twerking on a car.
Police responded to a noise complaint just after 3 a.m. Saturday, and found the time traveling hero, Super Wrong dancing to loud music at the local Burger Chump.
Super Wrong refused the officersÍ request to turn down his music, and began twerking on a car, according to drive-thru window workers at Burger Chump.
Police gave Super Wrong 15 minutes to comply with a noise warning notice. Super Wrong soon started dancing again, and allegedly told police they could arrest him but said "I'm like a shark, if I stop moving the world will stop grooving".
The officers issued him a citation and handed the paper to him to sign. He crumpled it and threw it at the chest of one of the officers. Super Wrong was then arrested for littering.