Kaiju Big Battel: Once Upon a Time in the EAST
Monstrous Creatures Grapple in Terrifying Action Arena, Fate Of Universe Hangs In The Balance
(Boston, MA) The dust of destruction in Dallas Texas still lingers in the air, but Danger waits for no man nor beast. Kaiju Big Battels next stop for 2016 is none other than Somerville, MA at the ONCE Lounge and Music Hall.
What will the aftermath of Dallas set in motion? The only way to find out is to be there!!!
If you manage to survive the night's destruction and can still walk head over to PAXEast becuse on Sunday April 24th we will be at PAXEast hosting our very own panel discusion.
Come experience the cult phenomenon known as Kaiju Big Batttel as a hoard of monsters, aliens, and Heroes conspire to bring the city of Somerville to its knees through urban destruction, white-knuckled action, and seismic surprises. "Once Upon a Time in the EAST" will also feature the Danger Wheel, no less 40 blocks of crushable cityscape.
Where: Once Lounge and Music Hall
When: April 23st
Tickets: On Sale NOW on this very same web page
Hey there, Kaiju fans! It's your favorite door-to-door woodsman, Senior Announcer, and crack reporter Slice O'Reilly here with the first installment of what I'll be calling the "Kaiju Katch Up!" The combatants in the Big Battel are usually too pre-occupied in the Danger Cage to let us know what's going on in their lives so I - your selfless, trepidation, hirsute hero - have taken it upon himself to risk life & limb & well-manicured beard to delve into the depths of the Kaiju world to get YOU the inside scoop and hot gossip!
So what has The Swarm been up to? The plentiful progeny of current-Kaiju Grand Champion Uchu-Chu and Mung-Wun (though that's always been up for debate) - aka Team Space Bug's stinging, copious, shock troopers? It took an all-night "bro-down" with Mota Naru & Yarsminko (thanks to a few jugs of bootleg Royal Jelly) to get some answers . . . and those answers will surprise you! Apparently The Swarm has been finishing up their Masters at some of the top business schools around the globe! That's right, their mysterious leave of absence wasn't that mysterious at all. Collectively, The Swarm has earned well over 3 billion undergraduate degrees in Accounting, Marketing, Management, Business Foundation, & Business Law - climbing their way up the corporate ladder into the C-Suite of Big (or is that Bug?) Business. And what do they think of the Team Space Bug's patriarch Uchu-Chu's recent title win?
"We believe a key Strategy For Success is to stay surrounded by hardworking professionals, and have been very fortunate to work with a team who values proactivity, high-order thinking and hive-thinking to the extent that we do. [Team Space Bug] has performed very well over the last few quarters, in spite of some . . . challenges and mis-steps our Senior Leadership has shown in the past. [Uchu-Chu's] accomplishment is a positive boon for Team Space Bug's brand recognition and we look forward to capitalizing on this momentum. Also, he really needs to wash his shirt and take a shower, he's been wearing the same one for weeks."
Team Space Bug leader Uchu-Chu is scheduled to defend the Kaiju Grand Championship against an as-of-yet unnamed opponent!
See The Swarm return at Kaiju Big Battel Presents: "Once Upon A Time in the East" in Somerville, MA on 4/23! Get your tickets today! General Admission $20
Question of the week?
Would anyone even watch a weekly streming Kaiju show ?
News and Notes
French Toast takes leave of absence to stay in Texas and eat BBQ.
Cycloptopuss steals Unicorn Party's Bus for 100 mile, 72 hr police chase in FL.
Join us on Facebook for exclusive info and special Merch deal announcements.
Silver Potato celebrates first Birthday in this Dimension
Reports of secret breakaway division gains traction
Unibouzu wants to reform the "Sea Amigos".
Derano endorses off brand chess crackers
Andy Salbino heads for leg surgery after 1,743 days with out a safety violation.
You won't believe who won The People's Choice Champion Cup
That time of year is upon us again. Commissioner RoBox honored two of Kaiju's best fighters in Dallas on April 1 with the People's Choice Champion Cup.
Commissioner RoBox opened up the ballot for its 9th annual ceremony and the Fans voted for the Kaiju Fighter that they believe highlights the most creative use of violence, charm and wit.
The People's Choice Champion Cup Award celebrated the achievements of the Kaiju Fighting community, demonstrating the power of Fighting. Kaiju Fans looked to have their voice heard and chose American Beetle and Kung Fu Chicken Noodle as the finalists.
The finalists will both put up an epic struggle but there can be only one and that was Kung Fu Chicken Noodle.
We would like to take this time to congratulate Soup and thank all the fans who voted in this years competition.
BREAKING: Former Kaiju Big Battel Grand Champion & Extreme Water Skiing Enthusiast Call-Me-Kevin Announces his Retirement
At a press conference held today in the break room of Freddy's Wholesale Fish Supplies in Levittown, PA, long-time Kaiju Big Battel rogue & water skiing enthusiast Call-Me-Kevin has officially announced his retirement from active competition.
Citing the disappointing Sea Amigos reunion at "Boom Goes the Dino-Kang" as the sole reason for his retirement, C-M-K ranted to Freddy's Wholesale Fish Supplies key-holding sales associate Dawson Arthur: "This is all D.W. Cycloptopuss' fault. I hadn't even worked out all the kinks in my new prosthetic arm when he called me up to hop on a Megabus to Queens, because he finally had that $40 he owed me from 2003." The 6-foot 7-inch 400lb nudibranch rambled on, failing to recognize the blank stare from his fellow co-worker was due to Arthur's full-attention focused on the comedy podcast playing in his earbuds - instead of the former champion's petition for sympathy. ". . . And when I heard Commissioner Robox decreed the winners of the match got a free trip to Tampa, I was ecstatic!"
Arthur chuckled to himself while chewing on an under-cooked broccoli and turkey fat-free Hot Pocket, looking slightly beyond and behind his co-worker. Heynongman, indeed.
"Yeah, it's funny. Like, ironic right?" Kevin continued, "Even though we lost -thanks for D.W.- we still got a ride with the Party Rangers down to Tampa for the weekend and got turnt! That's pretty cool of them, right? But just GUESS who had to chip in for the Sea Amigo's portion of the gas because D.W.'s direct deposit hadn't come in yet and Unibouzu conveniently left his wallet at Dr. Cube's? That's right. Me. Anyway, I'm done with it all. Going back to extreme water-skiiing. Can't wait to head up to Montauk once the weather gets better. Nothing better than busting wake-to-wake 360s while blasting Smash Mouth. By the way, I totally owe you for covering that weekend's worth of shifts for me, man."
The absent minded aquarium salesman popped-out his left earbud, and said "Oh yeah, about that. You're scheduled on doubles every weekend for the remainder of the year."
"But. . ."
Call-Me-Kevin leaves behind an impressive 1-125 win-loss record as well as his right arm.