Kaiju Tools Get Email Updates Discuss Email this page
Neo Teppen

Super Wrong: Burdened by the Past

In the year 2991 the world is a much different place. A tyrannical Kaiju oligarchy lives in decadence, the human populace cowers in fear, and disco is king. Gleaming metallic towers overflow with monster excess as the humans below scrounge for succor in a land stripped of all its bounty by centuries of wanton Kaiju destruction. Among the Kaiju elite there is little regard for the humans, except among one man known only as Super Wrong.

Raised in a culture of excess and wanton destruction, Super Wrong took on the party-boy trappings that surrounded him. Garish costumes, elaborately adorned helmets, and wall-to-wall dance orgies filled the first 26 years of his life. While he lacked any true Kaiju superpowers or fighting skills, he was a champion of the carefree lifestyle. He spent his nights in a chaotic blurb of strobe lights and disco balls, and he filled his days with jumpsuit and helmet shopping. But as he grew older, Super Wrong began to question his existence. Why did he live in a spire with gold plated sinks and diamond-encrusted toilet plungers while the humans slept in mud huts without sinks or plungers?

So, Super Wrong set out to find answers to his questions. Entering the Hall of Knowledge, he sat down at the Terminal of Truth, and logged on to the Internet of Facts and Stargate Fan Fiction. Typing furiously, he launched search after search, undaunted by the 404 errors and broken links he encountered. Finally, after nearly 20 minutes of uninterrupted web surfing, Super Wrong found what he was looking for - the official Hello Super Wrong Kaiju Bio.

Super Wrong had always known he was different than his peers, but he never suspected what he read at in his Hello Kaiju bio. According to the webpage, he was more than just a conflicted member of a tyrannical Kaiju elite. He was the sole living descendent of the one Kaiju who, with an iron fist and a cunning mind, defeated all challengers and unified all the Kaiju monsters worldwide. This unnamed evildoer then led his Kaiju army in a ceaseless campaign to destroy all vestiges of civilization and enslave the human race.

Appalled, Super Wrong swore to go back in time and prevent what his forefather (or perhaps foremother) had done. After a quick visit to timemachineplans.com proved fruitless, Super Wrong retired to his penthouse apartment to figure out some way to fulfill his oath. Months passed, and still Super Wrong could figure no way to return to the 21st century. He took to pacing on his rooftop at all hours of the nights, desperately trying to formulate a plan.

One night, as Super Wrong walked endlessly back in forth across his purple-parquet roof-deck, a gaping wormhole appeared high in the sky above. On the other side Super Wrong saw what looked to be a human city, unravaged by the touch of Kaiju. Elated he furiously tried to reach the portal, but was thwarted by his vertical leap of 23 inches.

Suddenly a giant flying Slug emerged from the portal and began lurching violently across the sky. As the grey-bodied creature swooped past Super Wrong's roof, he dove on it's back, grasping its scarlet antennae and holding on for dear life. Back and forth, up and down, and around and around the Slug careened through the air, but Super Wrong did not loosen his grip. Finally his persistence was rewarded as the Slug returned through the portal.

After reemerging through the inter-dimensional portal, Super Wrong leapt from the Slug's back and landed on the pavement of a genuine human city. Scrambling to his feat, Super Wrong grabbed a passerby and asked her what year it was. "2004 you freak!" she replied, and Super Wrong smiled. He had done it. He had gone back and time and now his destiny awaited: to find out who his ancestor was, and to stop him before he succeeded in enslaving the world!

View the Previous Bio Hello Kaiju View the Next Bio