Made of 100% Carbonite

Cycloptopuss Cashes In

One of the more controversial fightos of 2008 was the Marmit Merchandise Contract Match at Escape to New York. Not only was the Battel between two of the bigger scumbags in Kaiju Big Battel, D.W. Cycloptopuss III and Tucor, but neither monster ended up winning the big prize. Although it appeared Cycloptopuss had successfully captured the contract and the victory by repeatedly ramming a building into Tucor's head, the wild beast Vegetius wandered into the Kaiju Big Ring, knocked out the clam scented Sea Amigo and walked out of Webster Hall with the merch deal!

Since then, Vegetius has had his own t-shirt, holiday greeting card, and perhaps most importantly, an exclusive Marmit figurine made in his likeness. And while the beast has no real use for anyone's money, he's practically the richest Kaiju in the world. And D.W. Cycloptopuss III, always looking for a way to get his name in the headlines, has somehow gotten himself in the action as well.

Details remain sketchy at this time, but somehow, Cycloptopuss has commissioned famous designer and artist Frank Kozik to come up with his own figurine, and even got leading Japanese toymaker Marmit to produce it! Those who know their figurines know that a Kozik design does not grow on trees, and a Marmit production and distribution deal certainly doesn't come cheap, either. And those who know Sea Amigo finances also know that D.W. Cycloptopuss III isn't exactly swimming in a lot of money right now, either. The figure still needs a paint job before it can enter mass production, but how is he going to afford it?

That also may be the least of Cycloptopuss' problems, as it explicitly states in his and every other Kaiju competitor's contract that merchandising deals must be made through the Kaiju Retail Licensing Division, which is a branch of the Kaiju Regulatory Commission. In other words, the Sea Amigo appears to have violated his contract, which could result in a fine, suspension, or even his outright termination! The Kaiju Commissioner is in a tough spot, because if he fails to react soon, nothing's going to stop other monsters from cashing in themselves and upsetting the delicate financial balance of Kaiju Big Battel. The Commissioner was unavailable for comment, but he can't afford to stay silent for long. For more on this potentially volatile story, stay tuned to Kaiju.com!

Beav Agrees to TV Deal

With the start of a new year comes new opportunities, and Kaiju's own eager news beaver Beav Wallace is no exception. Reports indicate that the Beav has signed on with C3TV, a local public access station in Hildreth, Nebraska, to a developmental deal for a new television series.

No further details were available at press time, but many think it's safe to say that the show will also be made available to viewers on Kaiju.com, since the population of Hildreth is under 400, according to 2000 Census data. The Beav remained tight-lipped on the specifics of his new show, but said he hopes the show will catch on and get a syndication deal across the country. But Kaiju television experts aren't so sure.

"Back in the day, it was easy to stumble upon a public access show because VCRs and video game systems were often connected with RF coaxial cables, requiring your TV to be tuned to channel 3," one Kaiju expert said. "So if you left the TV on after turning off your game or movie or whatever, and channel 3 was public access in your town, you might've stumbled upon some random show. Nowadays, since everyone uses RCA, component or HDMI, no one has any use for channel 3."

Super Wrong Announces Launch Date of Website

Last month, we reported on Kaiju Hero Super Wrong placing ads for a web designer. The leader of the Yokosuka Jump Squadron's motives were unclear; perhaps he was looking to set up a social networking site, or maybe a store where he can sell his own illegal, non-licensed merchandise. The answer apparently is coming soon, as Super Wrong announced today his official website will launch on January 26th.

While we here at Kaiju.com are obligated to mention that Super Wrong already has a few pages here at Kaiju.com, the funky hero is undeterred. Hoping to start what he calls a "gigabyte revolution", Super Wrong is sure his site will usher in a new era for online interaction. When asked to clarify his statement, Super Wrong proceeded to blurt out other terms like "web 2.0", "databases" and "uplink". Until we can see for ourselves, the world waits on the edge of it's seat for the launch of Super Wrong's online experience.

More Tournament Details Announced

After last year's announcement of an upcoming Tandem Tournament to determine the number one contender for the Furious Furries' Double Danger Tandem Titles, Kaiju fans have been speculating around the clock as to who may be involved, and more importantly, who's going to win.

While we still don't know all the details, the Kaiju Regulatory Commission has announced a few small nuggets of info to whet our appetite. First, the tournament will contain nine teams and will be spread out over four rounds. Secondly, we have found out that, in the interest of fairness, the three organized Kaiju factions will be represented equally, with two teams of Heroes, Space Bugs and Posse members doing Battel in the quarterfinals. However, since there is no governing body over the Rogues, the first round is simply a qualifying match between the first two Rogue teams who come forward. Third, because the Sea Amigos are the current disputed #1 contenders, they have been granted an automatic bid into the quarterfinals. Also, because of the controversial way his reign ended, and with his former partner Neo Teppen busy defending the Kaiju Championship, American Beetle has also been guaranteed a spot in the quarterfinals with a partner of his choosing.

Does that sound confusing? It really shouldn't be. Just look at this handy bracket we've already whipped up. Sure, it looks a little bare right now, but it'll be updated as more teams are announced. And when it's full, you can print it out, pass it around the office, have everyone fill it out and create an office pool. You could even bet money on it, if gambling were legal, of course. Keep checking back with Kaiju.com for more info on this tourney as it develops.

Question of the Week

Does Yarsminko even have an appendix?