In the Clear?
Correction - Hero Intern Not Banned
Due to a newsroom error, it was erroneously reported last week that the Hero Intern was suspended for next month's Brooklyn Big Battel after missing a mandatory drug testing for steroid usage. The Kaiju Commissioner released a statement earlier today stating that the Intern's missed test would be treated as an honest mistake, and that he would be given a second chance to fulfill the requirements set out by the KRC new policies on performance-enhancing substances. The Intern's drug test will now be rescheduled for Monday, November 12th, two days after the upcoming Big Battel in Brooklyn, NY. Although the Commissioner is confident that the Intern will pass the test, the punishment will be extremely severe if he fails to appear, resulting in repossession of his power suit and helmet, as well as a one year ban from participating in Battels.
Fortunately for Hero supporters and humanity in general, this means that the H.I.T. has been cleared for action at the Warsaw in Brooklyn on November 9th. Get your tickets to see him in action, along with the rest of the Kaiju Heroes as they attempt to spare the B-K from the B-A-T-T-E-L.
Kaiju Big Battel: Live From New York
When: Friday, November 9th, 2007. 8PM doors, 9PM show. Where: The Warsaw, 261 Driggs. Ave. Greenpoint, Brooklyn, NY
Tickets: $20 advance, $23 day of show. Available at all Ticketmaster locations and online at Ticketmaster.com
Stay tuned for futher details including a complete list of Kaiju fightos.
Super Lucky Bags Found to be Even Luckier Than Previously Reported
The recently unveiled Kaiju Lucky Bags are taking the world by storm. You already knew that for the unbelievable low price of $30, you are awarded a blind assortment of Kaiju goods valued at $50 or more, including at least one t-shirt. What you might not know is just how lucky the bags might be. Not only might the Lucky Bags contain extremely rare Kaiju collectables, but many Lucky fans on the Kaiju Big Board are reporting that some Bags contain surprises so lucky that they have never been available for purchase before!
The Commish has sworn the Kaiju web department to secrecy on the exact nature of the Lucky Bag contents, but trust us - if you order a Lucky Bag today, you won't be disappointed.
Jingi Judges Double Danger Debacle
Last February, a Double Danger Tag Team Battel at the Avalon in Boston, ended in confusion and chaos, as The Apes of Wraths apparently seized the tag titles under questionable circumstances. Now, Referee Jingi, after months of deliberation spent studying the world's great legal texts, including the Geneva Convention, the U.N. Charter, and Battel Rules for Dummies, has issued a final ruling. Although The Apes of Wraths claimed the belts at the end of the night, the Grudyin did not obtain his by legal means.
Through careful inspection of event footage and much thoughtful analysis, Jingi came to the conclusion that the winner of the second belt was actually D.W. Cycloptopuss III. As the true winners of the Double Danger Tandem Title match, Hell Monkey and Cycloptopuss have been recognized by the KRC as a new tag team. Despite being quickly dubbed "The One Eyed Monsters" by the public and the media alike, it is unclear if the satanic simian and the clam-scented octo-beast will be able to form a true tag-team bond.
When asked for a statement, The Grudyin replid by email, " Gearkhj gaehb gefhlg branc gonrn gllrink !!!!," which of course is Grudyin-speak for either "No Comment" or "I will rip out your throat and feast on your innards as I stuff gnawed off feet in your stupid ears." The Sea Amigos publicist did not reply to requests for comment.
Web Intern Wanted
Kaiju.com seeks a web intern for the Fall/Winter. Web interns will contribute to the development of Kaiju.com, while gaining valuable experience in web design and database development. The ideal candidate has basic experience with PHP, and a strong desire to learn more about web development. HTML and CSS skills are a must - Photoshop experience is a plus, but not required. Most importantly, Kaiju web interns must be responsible, organized, and able to work independently. Web interns work remotely and must be available for a regular monthly meeting at Kaiju HQ in Greater Boston.
Interested? Email firstname.lastname@example.org with a resume and a short explanation of your interest in the Web Intern position.
Question of the Week
Who fact checks the news?
Correction #2 - Yarsminko Misspelled
Due to an editor's error, new Space Bug Yarsminko, had his name incorrectly spelled recently on kaiju.com. According to his college transcript from Notuwenomoc University on Hamulon 7 his full name is actually Yarsminko Vistra Udavikki, not Yarsuminko Destro von Hansolostein as previously reported.
'Tato Threatens Threateners
This past Sunday, Kaiju's #1 maker of mischief, Dr. Cube. stated that fallen Hero Silver Potato will give a crushing response to any threat targeting him. Cube's declaration was apparently triggered by unsubstantiated reports that Pedro Plantain has hired a trio of mercenaries to take out Silver Potato permanently. Pedro has not commented on the allegations, but several in the Hero community have offered their thoughts:"
S"Vat is he thinking, potato man is der bad vun but to keil him in not so gud. i hope not true." - Slo Feng
"Silver Potato is virtually impotent in the ring. I don't see why Pedro would need any help in taking him out. It would be like Patrick Swayze circa Dirty Dancing hiring me to take his place in a dance-off against Patrick Swayze circa Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. It's just not necessary!"
"Fool ain't got no secret weapon. He's just crazy!.. Somethin' in his head. Ain't no tellin' what it was. Kids, remember Don't stay up late, eat all your greens. I'll see you soon." - Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder
Silver Potato also responded to the threat saying, "Who me? I ain't afraid of nothing! Bring 'em on I'll beat all three into one, and mail them to their mother. Pedro ain't got the guts to off somebody. Do fairy tales scare me? I don't think so. These stories don't scare me, I ain't hiding."
Kaiju Anime Con World Tour
The Kaiju Anime Con Perpetual World Tour continues this December, with a visit to the Big Apple:
- December 7-9 at New York Anime Festival at the Jacob Javits Convention Center