• "Save The Kaiju" Warsaw, Brooklyn, NYC
• Welcome to San Diego, Now Kiss It Goodbye!
• All Out War 2: The Search For The Golden Treasure
• The Truth Behind the Commissioner
• Kaiju in 3-D
• The Fall of Pedro Plantain
• More Commentaries

Question of the week?

Will we survive the month?

Hell Monkey Desperate for Cash?

AALABASTA, CA. Ñ Hell Monkey fled the Catty Corner convenience store at about 1:43 a.m. Monday when a customer fought back, an Aalbasta Police Department report stated.

"One furry red male suspect, armed with hot sauce, entered the store and demanded money and a beer ball" Police spokeswoman Petey Bunt said. "He threatened to permanently blind the clerks with hot sauce"

That didn't scare American Beetle, a costumer in the store at the time of the attempted robbery. He grabbed the robbers' bottle of sauce and began to struggle with the suspect. Hell Monkey then doused American Beetle's eyes in the vile concoction causing him to go blind. American Beetle then proceeded to throw wild punches in an effort to ward off the attack.

The move appeared to take Hell Monkey by surprise, the clerk said, and the thief fled without any money but managed to grab a few bags of Cheetos and a box of Slim Jims on his way out. And the clerk offered a message for anyone who tries to rob the store again.

"The messages I tryin to like send yo that you like come rob us, I like KILL you," the clerk said. "If they are like arrested, they go to like jail for couple like months...maybe. Kill them dogs like yeah. like"

Hell Monkey fled in a gray late-model four-door vehicle. The suspect was described as smelly and spastic, Bunt said.

American Beetle is currently under observation at the Brumhold County Medical Center.

Dai Hatchi Hatchi is a Mentally Unstable Creep

Powa Ranjuru has been granted a permanent restraining order against a "mentally unstable stalker" who has allegedly been targeting Powa Ranjuru and her family since November, 2005.

Earlier yesterday, a NY Superior Court judge ordered 35-year-old Dai Hatchi Hatchi to stay at least 100 yards from Powa Ranjuru and her family for the next three years.

As previously reported, Powa Ranjuru believes "Dai Hatci Hatchi does not really pose a serious threat to my safety but he is a real creep... just looking at him makes my skin crawl". Also citing that he's left several honey drenched letters on her property in the past ... and just last month, he was arrested for trespassing at Powa Ranjuru's grandmothers house.

Powa Ranjuru also claims that Dai Hatci Hatchi has a history of mental illness -- insisting that Dai Hatci Hatchi believes "He beat Tetris and after you win, it shows an animated bear, on a unicycle, juggling vodka bottles in front of the Russian Orthodox Church"

News and Notes Like

Last weeks T-shirt with the most votes is #2 "Uchu Invaders" and the lucky voter is Robert Cappellano. He will receive a free shirt when they come back from the printer.

Head on over to Facebook for a look at the Video of the Week. This week features an exciting classic collaboration with the Mad Tigers of Rock and Roll ........ Peelander-Z!!!!!!!

Dino Kang Jr. declares himself a free agent. States he never backed Hell Monkey in his attempted takeover of the Posse.

French Toast petitions to have own line of self sealing bicycle tubes.

Commissioner cancels KRC New Years Holiday Celebration due to budget woes.

Cycloptopuss cooking up new foodie scheme, details to follow.