Breaking West Coast News!

The staff of kaiju.com is fully deployed in Los Angeles this week tracking a top-secret meeting between Mayor James K. Hahn and the Kaiju Commissioner. Rumors are swirling that the two are planning an emergency Big Battel to contain rising West Coast monster tensions, however both Kaiju Headquarters and the Mayor's office have declined comment. Kaiju.com will continue investigating this breaking news and return with a full update early next week.

Question of the Week:

Is Hollywood ready for some real monster action?

More Kaiju at the San Diego Comic-Con!

The San Diego Comic-Con kicks off this Thursday, July 22, and Kaiju Big Battel has added another event to the already Kaiju-packed weekend. On Saturday July 24 at 4pm, there will be a special Kaiju DVD screening and panel. The lucky folks who make it into the screening will see a special sneak preview of Kaiju's upcoming DVD release, an advance version of the brand new Kaiju short What Is Kaiju?, and more!

Special DVD Sneak Preview Screening & Panel
When: Saturday, July 24, 4-5pm
Where: San Diego Comic-Con, Room 6 CDEF
More Info: Visit the Kaiju Big Battel Booth (#4518) for more info

In addition to the screening, there's plenty of other Kaiju action planned for the Con. Kaiju Big Battel's booth is smack-dab in the middle of The Cultyard, the Con's special area dedicated to the best in contemporary art, design, media, performance, and collectible products. Visit the booth (#4518) to pick up some Kaiju merch, catch a sneak peak of the next DVD, or just to say hi to the crew from Kaiju Headquarters. Also, Kaiju luminaries, including Dr. Cube himself, will be making appearances throughout the Con, signing autographs, and pressing the flesh. Visit the Kaiju booth to find out when they will be appearing.

Kaiju Big Battel at the San Diego International Comic-Con
What: West Coast stop on the Kaiju Big Battel Goodwill Tour
When: July 22-25
Where: San Diego Comic-Con, Cultyard Pavilion, Aisles 4500-4600, Booth 4518
What: Kaiju appearances by Dr. Cube and others, free Kaiju stuff, a sneak peak preview of the upcoming Kaiju DVD, and more.
More Info: Comic-Con details and tickets available at www.comic-con.org.

Vegetius Causes Cali Catastrophe.

As if Dr. Cube's presence in San Diego wasn't trouble enough for the local authorities, they are now dealing with one very large and very hungry rampaging Kaiju Rogue. Feral Kaiju beast Vegetius surfaced in California this past week, just outside of Santa Clara. Famished from trans-continental tunneling, Vegetius flew into a feeding frenzy, stuffing his gullet with local flora and fauna. In the midst of this orgy of ingestion, Vegetius ripped a tree from the ground while in pursuit of some particularly delicious-looking chipmunks, inadvertently flinging a red-tail hawk from its perch. The unfortunate hawk careened into a high-tension power line, where it instantly burst into flames and then fell to the ground, igniting a massive wildfire that has raged since.

Forced out of the area by the advancing flames, Vegetius was last seen rampaging through the foothills outside Bakersfield, heading south, in the direction of Los Angeles and San Diego. While the creature's exact destination is unknown, San Diego officials are taking no chances, preparing an offering of 13 1/2 tons of fish tacos, in an attempt to appease the beast should he make it to The Most Efficiently Run Big City in California.

Commissioner Dispatches Pablo.

Concerned by both Dr. Cube's appearance at this weekend's San Diego Comic-Con, and Vegetius' activity in the area, the Kaiju Commissioner has dispatched Pablo Plantain to keep order at the Con. The mission will be an important step for Pablo in his recovery from a recently diagnosed tanning disorder. How he handles San Diego's renowned rays will be a measure of his rehabilitation from the debilitating disorder, which led him to spend countless hours basking in the sun, leaving his normally glowing yellow skin, desiccated and peeling.

Pablo is taking this mission very seriously, asking that his brother Pedro not accompany him, as "this is something I have to do alone, like showering, or riding a unicycle."*

* Translated from the original Spanish.

Cube Clothes Creation Canceled.

Dr. Cube excels at the creation of giant city-crushing monsters, but when it comes to the creation of human-sized Cube-branded merchandise his results are less consistent. For every runaway hit, like the Limited Edition Cube's Posse T-Shirt, or the Dr. Cube SARS Mask, there are a scores of less well-received products. Who can forget such colossal disasters as the Dr. Cube Home Plastic Surgery Kit, and every parent's nightmare, the Shrieking Dino Kang Jr. Doll with Life-like, Eardrum-rupturing Squeaks and Squeals. Soon to be joining these products in the Merchandise Hall of infamy is Cube's newest T-Shirt, simply called the Multi-Logo.

Described by industry insiders as hideous, the Multi-Logo is Cube's attempt to capitalize on the ubiquitous "NBA All-Over" fashion trend. Don't expect to see these fashion fiascos in a store near you, though. The Kaiju Commissioner, exercising his trademark control over both the Kaiju Hero, and the Kaiju Kanji & Katakana logos, has blocked distribution of the shirts. In a statement issued today, the Commissioner hinted that he was motivated by more than just legal reasons,

"I am obliged by the Kaiju Regulatory Commission to defend their trademarks, and I will never authorize the use of any official Kaiju Logos by Dr. Cube. Also the shirts are very, very ugly, which I suppose isn't surprising, coming from Dr. Cube and all."

Special Con T-Shirt/DVD Deal!

While you won't be able to get a Multi-Logo shirt, the Kaiju Big Battel booth at the San Diego Comic-Con will be stocked with plenty of other Kaiju T-Shirts, and will be featuring a big, Con-only special: any T-Shirt and a Terebi Sento DVD for only $20! Normally these would cost almost $30! So pass on that hand-sculpted bust of Lara Croft, just say no to that $5 autograph from Lou Ferigno's stunt double, wait until next year to get your Japanese Import Omicron Underoos, and head over to the Kaiju booth for a great deal!

Question of the Week:

Why won't JonnyA admit that A Different World was a Cosby Show spin-off?

Kaiju Joins the Cultyard!

The San Diego Comic-Con is the world's biggest comic book convention, and Kaiju Big Battel is set to join the Con's premier pavilion for the best in contemporary art, design, media, performance, and collectible products, The Cultyard. The Cultyard will feature all manner of pop culture heavyweights including Emily the Strange, Gama-Go, STRANGECo, and Kaiju Big Battel. Presented by The Independent Toy Growers of America, The Cultyard is sure to be the place-to-be at the Comic-con: assuming that the attending Kaiju, including Dr. Cube among others, can restrain themselves from leveling the whole yard.

Kaiju Big Battel at the San Diego International Comic-Con
What: West Coast stop on the Kaiju Big Battel Goodwill Tour
When: July 22-25
Where: San Diego Comic-Con, Cultyard Pavilion, Aisles 4500-4600
What: Kaiju appearances by Dr. Cube and others, free Kaiju stuff, a sneak peak preview of the upcoming Kaiju DVD, and more.
More Info: Comic-Con details and tickets available at www.comic-con.org.

In other Kaiju Big Battel Goodwill Tour news, the summer screening season kicks off this weekend with Kaiju DVD screenings at both ConnectiCon (in ConnectiCut) and Ontario's Northern Anime Fest.

July 16-18
ConnectiCon, West Hartford, CT
Kaiju DVD Screening

July 17
Northern Anime Fest, Oshawa, Ontario
Kaiju DVD Screening

July 22-25
San Diego Comic Con, San Diego, CA
Kaiju DVD Screening & Panel
Kaiju Big Battel booth in the Cultyard
Kaiju Appearances by Dr. Cube, and more

July 30
Otakon, Baltimore, MD
Kaiju DVD Screening & Panel

August 6-8
O-Chibicon, Houston, TX
Kaiju DVD Screening w/ Special Kaiju Giveaway

August 14-15
Yasumi Con, Miami, FL
Kaiju DVD Screening

Sky Deviler Forfeits.

In a disappointing turn of events, Team Space Bug's gluttonous Sky Deviler failed to appear at last week's Nathan's Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island. Highly favored to knock off three-time champion Takeru "The Tsunami" Kobayashi, Deviler was registered for the competition by Uchu Chu almost a year ago. Team Space Bug's leader had planned to trade the grand prize, a year's supply of hot dogs and a trophy, for an unspecified amount of Royal Jelly, and a different, less ugly, trophy.

Sky Deviler's no-show has caused a clamor in both competitive eating and Kaiju Big Battel circles. Some, pointing to a rumored link between Kobayashi and certain Yakuza factions, have speculated that foul play may have been involved, while others have pointed out that the recent collapse in intergalactic hot dog prices may have simply scuttled Team Space Bug's original plan. Whatever the case may be, the world is anxiously awaiting news of just what could keep Sky Deviler from a free meal.

Cube Releases Transcript.

Last week, kaiju.com shared with you the latest Kaiju press coverage[pdf] in the August issue of Japan's Sportiva Magazine. However we failed to mention that the article included a brief interview with the notorious Dr. Cube. In response to complaints from Cube's Posse, we would like to make up for this omission by publishing the transcript of this interview, as provided by Dr. Cube's lawyers.

Kyoko Watanabe Interviews Dr. Cube
Sportiva, August 2004

Q1. There are many famous monsters (Kaijus) in Japan, such as Godzilla and Gamera. Are there any Japanese monsters (Kaijus) who you want to fight?

Your silly Japanese movie monsters are no match for my posse of giant city-crushing monsters. First of all my monsters are real, not the brainchild of some Japanese guy tripping on too much Saki and Wasabi. Second of all, even if your monsters were real, my Posse would make short work of them, even that no-talent King Gidorah!

Q2. There are three Japanese famous MLB players, Ichiro (Seattle Mariners), Hideki Matsui (NY Yankees) and Kazuo Matsui (New York Mets). Is it possible for you to create new monsters from them? And what type of Kaijus do you think they would become?

If I did try to create Kaiju out of them, they'd probably end up being some three-headed, tobacco spewing, media juggernaut with a hole in it's swing.

Q3. We know you try to conquer Earth. Does it mean that you would conquer Japan that is the sacred place of Otaku and Kaiju?

Are you serious? What do you think "The Earth" means? Is Japan a part of Earth? Did I say I was "trying to conquer the Earth except for Japan because they've got all those really neat toys and good food?" Do me a favor and go pickle your head with the ginger.

Q4. I would like to become an apprentice of you. How should I do? Do you take a Japanese pupil?

Don't call me. I'll call you.

1,000 Meals for a 1,000 Minions!

Always an opportunist, Dr. Cube this week turned a promotional stunt by a London restaurant into a free food fest for 1,000 of his luckiest Minions. After reading about the Mongolian restaurant's offer of a free meal to anyone who could prove their relation to Genghis Khan, Cube struck upon a brilliant idea - inject 1,000 of his Minions with Khan's DNA, and trick the restaurant into providing them all free meals! While it's unclear how Cube obtained the DNA from the infamous Mongol ruler, his plan worked perfectly and his Minions feasted for free, until the restaurant, its kitchen and coffers both bare, was forced to permanently close its doors. When reached for comment, the restaurant's manger was distraught,

"When we made the offer we didn't think anyone would actually take us up on it - maybe some nutjob claiming to be Genghis Kahn XVII, or Serpentor, or something. Certainly not 1,000 zombies with insatiable appetites! I'm ruined! Ruined!"

Question of the Week:

Who fears the Red Mosquito?

Cube Creates Killer Kangaroos.

Even the Outback isn't safe from the madness of Dr. Cube, as the evil doctor has unleashed his newest creation - killer kangaroos! In a process mirroring the creation of human Minions, Cube has been capturing the Aussie hoppers, and pickling their brains in a concoction of anti-freeze, Vegemite, and gin. The zombified creatures have become murderous marsupials, with a taste for terrorizing humanity, and serving the whims of Dr. Cube.

The Kaiju Commissioner has launched an investigation into the hopping hooligans, but so far neither a way to stop them, nor Cube's motivation for their creation, has been discovered. Meanwhile, government officials are urging citizens to stay clear of any kangaroos, especially the ones with Dr. Cube logos on their boxing gloves.

Im-Press-ive Coverage.

When Japan's top sports magazine, Sportiva, requested press credentials for Mayday! May Day! Boston SOS! the Kaiju Commissioner was quick to remind them that there was nothing sporting about Kaiju Big Battel - it's a life or death struggle, where the fate of the universe lies in the balance! So Sportiva's editors promised the Commissioner that the article would help dispel wild rumors in Japan that Kaiju Big Battels are in some way "staged" or "fake." Although the Commissioner can't read Japanese, he is confident that the Kaiju Big Battel article (including a manga recap of Mayday! May Day! Boston SOS! by Something Yoshimatsu) in Sportiva's August issue, is filled with serious warnings, and shocking details of the Danger posed by Dr. Cube and other Kaiju Big Battel villains. (View the article [pdf])

Less pleasing to the Commissioner, is a recent review of the debut Kaiju DVD Terebi Sento by 1wrestling.com's Jim Hall. Mr. Hall's review of the DVD, although glowing, perpetuates the myth that monsters like Mung Wun are actually costumed human "wrestlers" following some sort of "script." Where Mr. Hall got this absurd notion is unclear, but the Commissioner has promised to continue fighting such misconceptions through future press appearances and the Kaiju Big Battel Summer 2004 Goodwill Tour, kicking off next weekend with a doubleheader at ConnectiCon and Ontario's Northern Anime Fest.

July 16-18
ConnectiCon, West Hartford, CT
Kaiju DVD Screening

July 17
Northern Anime Fest, Oshawa, Ontario
Kaiju DVD Screening

July 22-25
San Diego Comic Con, San Diego, CA
Kaiju DVD Screening & Panel
Kaiju Big Battel booth in the Cultyard
Kaiju Appearances by Dr. Cube, and more

July 30
Otakon, Baltimore, MD
Kaiju DVD Screening & Panel

August 6-8
O-Chibicon, Houston, TX
Kaiju DVD Screening w/ Special Kaiju Giveaway

August 14-15
Yasumi Con, Miami, FL
Kaiju DVD Screening

Pablo Plantain Recovers.

Last week, Pablo Plantain checked into Cloudy Valley Rehabilitation Center to deal with a sunning disorder that led to years of dangerous tanning binges. Today, after just over a week of intensive treatment, including motivational videos, SPF treatments, and UV-filtered grow lamps, Pablo has been declared "all better" by the Center's crack research team. A healthier, more robust Pablo, with twin brother Pedro by his side, checked out of the Center this morning, and will soon begin preparations for his trip to the San Diego Comic-Con later this month.

Meanwhile, the Plantain Twins' ace legal team is investigating a possible lawsuit against the Kaiju Muckraker. In the tabloid's most recent issue they made the libelous allegation that Pablo was actually in rehab because of a dangerous addiction to powdered sugar, or, as the kids call it, candy-land cane. The allegations are of course false, as Pablo has never used powdered sugar in excess, despite youthful experimentation with pixie sticks, fun-dip, and pop rocks.

Question of the Week:

Who will be Chewbacca to Tim's Han Solo?