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Cycloptopuss' Newest Venture Over Before It Starts

Only days after there initial release Cycloptopops, a tuna based lollipop made by kaiju sea creature Cycloptopuss, has been recalled for containing toxic material. Public health officials in the Ohio Department of Human Services (DHS) recommend that consumers, particularly young children and pregnant women, avoid eating Cycloptopuss candy products that contain Tuna powder which may be contaminated with mercury.

The warning was prompted by the Food and Drug Administration's (FDA) announcement last week that certain imported Cycloptopuss Tuna-based candy may have high mercury levels, and by follow-up testing in Oregon.

"Mercury has a toxic effect on humans," said Hal Knowman, M.D., state epidemiologist in DHS. "We are particularly concerned about infants, young children and pregnant women who may be eating these Tuna candies, because mercury exposure can result in a lifetime of learning disabilities and behavioral disorders."

Mercury contamination has specifically been detected in Cycloptopops, a Tuna-based candy imported from China and distributed by DWC3 inc. Oregon laboratory tests show the candy contains as much as 1.5 parts per million of mercury. "This means that a child who eats only one piece of this candy would be getting more than 15 micrograms of mercury," Knowman said. "The FDA has recommended that children under age six should consume no mercury. Adults can also be harmed by eating large quantities of this candy."

Cycloptopuss' released a statement saying "What's all this hubbub about, you humans dump tons of it, all the time, into the ocean. I grew up perfectly normal and had a splendid childhood under the sea. Tell me m'boy what's a few micrograms, what's it going to do make you fat and stupid...to late for that I do say."

Other candy tested in this line included a chocolate covered tuna bar marketed as "Bounty of the Sea", Straw-ebi flavored corn puffs, and Sea Pickle Mints. All have been deemed unfit for human consumption.

Uncivil War Splits Posse

The Posse HQ has erupted into a war for control. With Hell monkeys loss to 13 in last weeks election, hardline Cubists tried to overthrow 13's newly formed leadership. Initially Hell Monkey had no part in the plot and was sleeping off his latest bender. When self proclaimed "The Real Dr. Cubes Posse" began to over take 13's followers, hell Monkey decided to throw in his hat. Hell Monkey became an icon, a beacon if you will, building morale for that final push for domination. Reports of who is following who is still unclear. What is clear is that Sekmet and Giii have put their considerable weight behind Hell Monkey and "The Real Dr. Cube's Posse", their true motive unknown. Meanwhile 13 has enlisted the help of a talking gorilla to help him build some sort of doomsday device to cement his place as the "real" leader.

Also of note is that The Grudyin and Tucor seem to be sitting this one out. They are currently vacationing in Cancun, Mexico till the end of the month. When contacted by telephone we could not really understand the sounds coming from their mouths. Experts believe it could go ether way citing The Grudyins past relationship with hell monkey. They were former tag team partners which could work in Hell Monkeys favor and on the other side they were former tag team partners.


Call-Me-Kevin Charged with Eat and Run at NY Restaurants

Call-Me-Kevin has been charged with wining and dining at a series of New York's top restaurants, running up massive bills and then disappearing without paying, police said on Wednesday.

Call-Me-Kevin is accused of carrying out the scam on three occasions between October 14 and November 15. He is accused of running off after amassing a $2,351.99 bill at the Chicken Shack in Astoria, NY, and a $1,265.87 bill at a Dunkin' Donuts in central Manhattan. The largest unpaid bill was at Five Guys Burgers, also in Manhattan, where he is accused of failing to pay for 1,021 pounds worth of fries and a medium drink. Call-Me-Kevin was due to appear in court later on Wednesday.

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News and Notes

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