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Monster March Madness!

Space Bugs Announce Team(s)

As we approach the kickoff of the big Double Danger Tandem Tournament, Kaiju.com is your source for the scoops on the teams entered into the big dance. Last week, the Kaiju Rogue representatives were announced, but this week, we found out who will be representing Team Space Bug. Even though Uchu Chu is the undisputed leader of the Swarm, it appears his former drinking buddy Yarsminko has taken it upon himself to assign the teams instead.

The first team pits Yarsminko and Mota Naru against the tournament favorite Sea Amigos. Although they have a significant size advantage over their opponents (and possibly the rest of the field), this Space Bug duo have a long road ahead of them. Mota Naru hasn't been in the Kaiju Big Ring for years, and has never tagged with Yarsminko before. Meanwhile, Yars has lost his last two attempts at the Tag Tandem Titles, and you can only blame some of that on the strength of his opponents. There were two bigger issues at play, however. For one, Yars has a little bit of a drinking problem. Secondly, it didn't exactly help that Dai Hachi Hachi was prominently involved in both matches.

If Yarsminko and Mota Naru are going to face difficulties with their first round draw, the second "team" is in a whole lot more trouble. Dai Hachi Hachi appears to have burned his bridges to the Swarm after costing them multiple matches, but the creepy creature is still technically a member of Team Space Bug. With Uchu Chu seemingly placing Yarsminko in charge of the tournament bids, and Yars harboring a little bit of a grudge towards DHH, it should probably come as no surprise that Yarsminko has ordered Dai Hachi Hachi to fight alone in the tournament, with no partner at his side. Such news would normally be taken as disappointing for DHH, but sources say he's just happy to be included in something. Who's going to be added to the bracket next? Check back next week!

Soup Looks for Nanny

Kung Fu Chicken Noodle has a lot on his plate, no pun intended (which wouldn't make sense anyway, since soup isn't usually served on plates, unless you don't have very much of it to serve). The former Kaiju Champion, who vacated the belt in 2007 to raise the Baby Sky Deviler, has seemingly been fighting just as often, if not more, since his so-called sabbatical began.

As any good parent knows, there are three important parts to raising any young child. First, the child must learn from their father about how to be a man; this includes lessons on chopping wood, using power tools and learning the vocabulary to make lewd comments about the opposite sex when there are no apparent repercussions. Second, the child must be nurtured; this includes feeding it, clothing it, sheltering it, and telling it bedtime stories. Finally, the father must teach the child how to fight, and in the meantime, should protect the child from all danger.

Kung Fu Chicken Noodle is an expert at #3, and is still trying to figure out if #1 is actually necessary, or just something we here at Kaiju.com made up just now. But #2 is an area of much difficulty for Soup; trying to balance the diet of a growing Sky Deviler with daily lethal hand-to-hand combat is too much for any Kaiju to handle. As a result, Soup has begun taking out ads looking for a full-time, live-in nanny. Stay tuned for more as this develops.

Question of the Week

The Secret Saturday Store doesn't actually exist, does it?

Buy More Better Fighto DVD!

Thomas Signs Ranjuru to 5-Year Deal

Former New York Knicks President Isiah Thomas made a big splash close to the NBA trade deadline this week, signing Kaiju Hero Powa Ranjuru to a five-year, $100 million contract, making her the first female NBA player since Sasha Vujacic. Scouts think Ranjuru slots in at the power forward position, despite her relatively short height, since her leaping ability and aggressiveness makes her a great rebounder, although some scouts question her passing skills in the paint.

Ranjuru Deal Not Valid, Contract Voided

Minutes after being signed to a five-year, $100 million contract by former New York Knicks President Isiah Thomas, Kaiju Hero Powa Ranjuru learned today the Knicks ownership has voided the contract, as Thomas was fired from his job a year ago and cannot make personnel decisions anymore. Upon hearing the news, Thomas blamed the incident on his daughter and swallowed an entire bottle of Lunesta.

"I kinda knew the whole thing was a little fishy when I saw the contract," said Ranjuru afterwards. "It looked like it was made in MS Paint." But Powa isn't feeling too down about it. "I don't even really like basketball that much. I hated it back in gym class. Also, I heard about Isiah's history with women in the workplace, and it didn't really seem like a place where I wanted to be."

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