Can You Feel the Power?
The results of the Double Danger Tandem Tournament semifinals are in, and what a doozy they are. In one match, we got what probably everyone was expecting, but in the other, we got something that no one could've ever possibly imagined. First, in a decision that surprised no one, the Sea Amigos laid waste to the Yokosuka Jump Squadron, although this iteration was comprised of Super Wrong and Jeremiah the Pink Teddy Bear. Of course, Super Wrong is physically incapable of winning a match, and Jeremiah the Pink Teddy Bear has been in a coma for the last seven months. You may recall that Dusto Bunny, the third member of the group, was told he was the weak link of the team and had to sit on the sidelines; a decision which most experts believe may have been a mistake.
In the other matchup, however, what the world thought was statistically impossible came true, to an extent. The team of American Beetle and Tadd Bradley, considered the favorites of the tournament alongside the Sea Amigos, were shockingly eliminated by Dai Hachi Hachi! Halfway through the match, Tadd Bradley appeared to have slipped on a misplaced banana peel and injured his leg, which forced him to leave the ringside area, making it a one-on-one encounter.
American Beetle easily took the advantage on Dai Hachi Hachi, who had already been sufficiently beaten to a pulp by the team before Bradley's exit. But after stepping outside the ring to have a drink of water, Beetle suddenly got into a heated argument with French Toast, who was sitting at ringside with his entourage. In the midst of yet another argument over which country saved who in what war, Kaiju Sophomore Official Nikkuman had no choice but to count Beetle out! So with this shocking upset in the books, the finals are set; next week, the Sea Amigos will take on Dai Hachi Hachi for the #1 contendership to the Furious Furries' Tandem Titles!
Kaiju in 3-D Only Two Weeks Away!
Today is March 19th, which means there's just 15 days until April 3rd, when Kaiju invades the Warsaw, but this time, in 3-D! We still don't know the whole lineup, but we do know that Neo Teppen will be facing Uchu Chu for the Kaiju Championship, and the Hero Intern '08 will be fighting for his Kaiju Hero career against Vegetius. We also know we'll see the finals of the Double Danger Tandem Tournament, and we can't imagine that's all. So keep checking Kaiju.com for more, and be sure to get your tickets!
Kaiju in 3-D
With Musical Guests Bryan Scary and the Shredding Tears
When: Fri, April 3rd, 8:00 PM
Where: Warsaw at the Polish National Home, 261 Driggs Ave, Brooklyn, NY
Tickets: $20, available at Ticketmaster
Semifinal Fallout, Analysis
We've covered it in detail already, but this week's semifinals were so crazy, we need to spend even more time on it. Let's start with Dai Hachi Hachi, who is suddenly one win away from the number one contendership, and another win after that from arguably the biggest upset in Kaiju Big Battel history. Although the matches from the tournament don't count towards a monster's official record (except the championship match against the Furries), the fact that Dai Hachi Hachi has advanced to the finals despite never winning a match in his career is almost impossible to imagine, except it's already happened once. In fact, the last time Kaiju Big Battel invaded the Warsaw, Call-Me-Kevin shocked the world and beat Uchu Chu for the Kaiju Championship. But if DHH was to complete this cinderella run, you'd have to think that winning four straight handicap fightos, even though his first two weren't exactly "wins", per se, is even more impressive than Kevin's feat.
As reported earlier this week, Vegas casinos were skeptical about Dai Hachi Hachi's chances, and bettors were even more wary, as there was reportedly only one winning bet placed in the Creepy Crawler's favor, apparently placed right before the odds went off the boards. Considering how heavy an underdog DHH was, one has to think whoever this mystery winning gambler is, they're suddenly swimming in loot right now.
Finally, we must look at what seems to have happened to the Kaiju Heroes. The Kaiju Commissioner's absence of late has certainly affected things around the Kaiju Regulatory Commission, but we might start having to wonder if this is affecting the Kaiju Heroes concentration and cooperation as a team. For Super Wrong to make such an asinine decision to replace Dusto Bunny with himself, and for two Kaiju Heroes, American Beetle and French Toast, to get in a public shouting match twice in the same month, one has to think there appears to be a growing gap in communication. Will this culminate in a Kaiju Championship loss for Neo Teppen on April 3rd, or can the Heroes hold it together for just a little while longer?
St. Patty's Day Sale Still Going Strong
St. Patrick's Day has come and gone, and two days later, the majority of the world has finally regained consciousness. We all know the old wives' tales about hangover cures, but who wants to eat dog hair? Okay, maybe we don't all know the hangover cures. But one thing we do know is an even better way to recover from your post-St. Patty's Day stupor; the Vegetius Vinyl Figurine from Marmit! For this week only, we've cut $15 off the regular price in honor of Vegetius' Irish heritage (we think), but that sale only lasts a few more days, so get on it before it's too late! While you're there, check out everything else in the Kaiju Mall!
RoBox Returns with "Mean" Calculations
Kaiju Hero RoBox has finally returned to the Kaiju Regulatory Commission after successfully completing his secret mission. Although details are scarce, sources tell Kaiju.com that RoBox had been spending most of his time calculating something involving "Mean". One expert's theory is that perhaps RoBox assigned an overall skill rating to each Kaiju Monster across the universe, and perhaps calculated the mean, or average, of those ratings. The expert concedes that he has no idea why that would make any sense or what that would accomplish, but said that was the first thing that came to mind upon hearing "mean".
Kaiju in the Kitchen Recipe of the Week
This week, Force Trooper Robo tells us how he makes the filling for his famous cheesecake. "I mix 4 packs of cream cheese with 1 1/2 cups of sugar until it's smooth. I blend in 3/4 cups of milk, and then mix in four eggs, then one cup of sour cream, 1 tbsp of vanilla, and 1/4 cup of flour until it's all smooth. The trick is to let it cool in the oven with the door closed for 5 to 6 hours, so it doesn't crack." Thanks, Force Trooper! That's some tasty filler!