Hopefully Not Your Neighbor
Arm Riles Evil Fans
The Kaiju Big Board has exploded with discussion about the recent Mota Naru hostage situation. The image of Mota's severed arm has gotten more attention than the US Supreme Court nominations, with vehement supporters of each faction speaking their minds. Fan support for both Team Space Bug and Dr. Cube's Posse has been remarkable and in some instances, downright spooky. The following note and accompanying photo sent shivers down the backs of the kaiju.com digi-sweatshop workers.
We pledge allegiance to Dr. Cube and his Posse for which it stands. This photo [ed note: see above] of me and my brother Minion-in-arms is a testament to our commitment. Dr. Cube's Posse is the right choice for our bright future. Long live the great Dr. Cube and down with all the space buggers.
--Anonymous Minion Militia Member
First Ever Uchu Chu Interview
Louden Noxious interviews Uchu Chu this week as part of his ongoing Louden's Shout Out interview series. Louden did his homework this time and pulls no journalistic punches. The loudest mouth in the Big Battel delivers more tough questions than the SAT and GRE combined. Louden and Uchu Chu discuss Mota's missing arm, Sky Deviler's egg, American Beetle's lack of visitation rights, Uchu's two year absence, and the Space Bug's Royal Jelly addiction.
Commish Slammed for Reaction
The Kaiju Commissioner is being criticized for not properly addressing the Mota Naru hostage situation. Chuck Jefferson, Director of the Human Protection from Giant City-Crushing Monsters Agency (HPGCCM) has publicly denounced the Commissioner's laisse-faire attitude. "It is the Kaiju Commissioner's job to protect humanity from Kaiju threats and there is obviously a growing threat of evil Kaiju. It's time the Commissioner does something before unbridled monster mayhem breaks lose!"
Upon first learning of the Mota hostage situation, the Commissioner was confident that the general public had nothing to fear, remarking "Let these two evil do-ers fight it out. Maybe we will be lucky and there will be one less scoundrel on the Big Battel block." Critics however worry that such unchecked monster aggression could explode into an epic disaster. Some people are demanding the Commissioner dispatch some Heroes to put an end to the brewing mayhem, while others are demanding his resignation.
A recent KRC opinion poll echoes the views held by the Commissioner's critics. A majority of those surveyed said they disapproved of the Commissioner's handling of the response to the Mota Naru hostage situation. The poll said 64 percent of respondents disapproved of the Commissioner's handling of the crisis, compared to 33 percent who said they didn't not, not disapprove.
Random Select Fan Contest
Adam Marrow was the lucky winner of the Random Select Fan Contest. Adam won a Kaiju Fan Book from Japan by ToK, a Referee Jingi Moustache, and a tiny barrel of Gomi-man play sludge. The correct answers are:
3. Super Wrong
4. Polo Cato
6. DW Cycloptopuss III
7. Dai Hachi Hachi
8. Sky Deviler
Plantain Hurricane Mall
Feel the wind of assaulting Hero fruit! All orders over $25 from the Kaiju Web Mall in the next two weeks will receive a limited-edition full-color Plantain Hurricane sticker. See Pablo and Pedro go round and round in a whirlwind of camo-clad plantains! Remember all orders over $30 still get a free piece of Sky Deviler meat while supplies last.
"First Silver Potato, now Mota Naru, who's next? The entire Sea Amigos team? Cube must be stopped! Or not only will Cube be Kaiju Champion for life, but he will control everyone in Kaiju Big Battel. I for one don't want Dr. Cube as my boss!"
--Louden Noxious making his case for sending Kaiju Heroes to attack Dr. Cube's prison camp.
Q&A with Dr. Cube
Dear greatest do-er of evil Dr. Cube,
I find your strong-armed tactics for dealing with meddlesome space bugs inspiring. May I suggest that if Uchu does hand over the baby egg instructions in the very near future, you should lop off Mota's left eye appendage thing.
Beside this humble suggestion I have two questions. One, what are your awesome plans for the captured Sky Deviler egg? Two, can I have the severed arm of Mota Naru? This would totally make me the coolest kid in school.
Keep up the "good" work.
Your faithful minion,
Save your ideas for the school cafeteria suggestion box, because I need another lame suggestion like I need another inept Kaiju Commissioner telling me what to do. If I severed Mota Naru's eyes how would he see the scary sight of his new stub of an arm? Fear is all about the visuals!
My plans for Sky Deviler's egg will remain tip top secret. I'm not going to spill the beans to you or anyone else. But I will say this, an gigantic intergalactic egg salad sandwich has not been ruled out.
As for Mota's arm, you are not the first depraved human to beg for it. I might be evil, but I am still generous. I also enjoy a good competition! So if anyone out there wants to own the decomposing arm of Mota, tell me why I am great and why I should give you the arm in 50 words or less.
The most convincing essay wins. Since I can't be personally bothered by a contest for degenerate humans, my preferred lab assistant, Dino Kang Jr., will select the winner. Email your essays to email@example.com by September 30th.
Now get back to work!
Louden Sanctioned Event
If you live in the Boston area, check out Gito Gito Hustler. These four ladies are coming all the way from Japan just to rock you out. If you can't make the show, you'll be able to hear them on the upcoming More Better Fighto DVD. Here's the skinny on the rock:
Gito Gito Hustler
When: Friday Sept. 30th
Where: Dee Dee's Lounge
Quincy, MA (Wallaston stop on Redline)
Big Board Question of the Week
Can I have Mota's arm?