Do You Have Your 3-D Glasses?
Brooklyn BBQ Battel
The Kaiju Commissioner loves the summer season, so he's decided to celebrate the Summer of '08 with an outdoor Big Battel Bash in Brooklyn on August 23rd. A fearsome pack of Kaiju's top talent will take to The Yard's outdoor venue to cap August with a full Fighto slate (lineup coming soon). Tickets are availabe now, and considering the unique industrial waterway-side venue they are sure to go fast! Get yours now.
What: Kaiju Big Battel at The Yard in Brooklyn
Special Performances By: Evil Dee, Team Facelift, Peelander-Z
Where: The Yard, 388-400 Carroll St, Brooklyn, NY
When: Saturday, August 23rd
Tickets: $15 Adv/$20 Day of Show; All Ages
Get Tickets: Ticketweb.com
Rain or Shine
Podunk Battel Madness!
All of us here at Kaiju.com are looking forward to the upcoming Fighto in Brooklyn, NY on August 23rd, but there's still some previous Battel business to attend to. As revealed last week by the Commissioner, a poorly-advertised Battel took place in Podunk, Idaho last week in front of a raucous sell-out crowd of 17 monster-maniacs! And while Podunk laws prohibited the presence of "them newfangled Yankee cameras", our Podunk correspondent has all the juicy details.
In the main event, the Heroic teamup of American Beetle and Kaiju Champion Neo Teppen took on two of Dr. Cube's more vicious monsters, The Grudyin and Tucor, in a defense of their Double Danger Tag Tandem Titles. While the horrific hybrids were formidable foes, they were no match for the Kaiju Heroes, who were on their way to another easy win. But things got dicey when Pedro Plantain and Zombie Pablo decided to get involved in the action.
Los Plantanos devastated Cube's monsters, unloading on them with some of the deadliest weapons ever used in a Kaiju Ring, leaving Kaiju Sophomore Official Nikkuman no choice, but to call for a disqualification. Normally, a title doesn't change hands on a DQ, but Podunk Town Selectman Cletus stepped in and cited an archaic Idaho state law which decreed that disqualifications in wrestling, boxing and monster combat matches, must result in a title change! For now, at least, Tucor and The Grudyin are the Double Danger Tag Tandem Title Champions, but with half the Kaiju roster gunning for them, who knows how long that will last!
Cube Fills Schedule with Dastardly Deeds, Wrestling Bookings
Dr. Cube never takes a vacation from evil, and the Podunk Battel was no exception. Following Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder's victory over Dai Hachi Hachi, Cube doused the hard rocker with water and tossed him into a meat locker, causing his pipes to freeze and crack. Boulder was airlifted to Podunk General Hospital/Post Office, but was unable to be treated when the facility's burn unit was woefully unequipped to handle frozen pipes. Boulder remains in stable, thawed condition, but is not expected to be fully recovered by the next Battel in Brooklyn.
But Cube hasn't stopped there! He's teaming up with the most dangerous force in professional wrestling today, Ultramantis Black and Crossbones of the Neo Solar Temple! The deadliest duo in Chikara Pro has joined forces with Dr. Cube once again, and at Vanity and Violence on August 10th in Philadelphia, the terrible trio will take on "Lightning" Mike Quackenbush, Tim Donst, and the leviathan sea monster, Hydra. Calling the action will be Kaiju Big Battel's own Louden Noxious! So come to Philly, support our man Louden, and boo Dr. Cube like a good Kaiju fan should!
Hero Royally Wrecks Hero
In the other Podunk Battel title match, Kaiju Hero Sun Buster took on Uchu Chu for a shot at the Le European Title. Buster had the Space Bug down for the count, and had ascended to the top rope to finish him with a flying elbow, when human pro wrestler Chris Hero came out in a flash and tossed Buster off the turnbuckle to the unforgiving steel floor below, knocking out Buster for a heartbreaking count-out loss. In addition to sustaining multiple concussions to the face, Buster also suffered a broken hand and will be out of action for the near future.
Two New Monsters Fail Amigo Idol
In between the fightos at Podunk, the remaining Sea Amigos began auditions to find a new member for their fearsome former-threesome. Utilizing a strict "if you can't beat 'em, you can't join 'em" admission standard, Unibouzu and D.W. Cycloptopuss III made quick work of their prospective partners, including a shark/demon hybrid creation creatively named "Jaws", and a gelatinous organic robot named "Jellytronix Deluxe".
"Jaws needs to work on his ground game," noted Unibouzu afterwards. "Specifically, his fighting on actual dry ground. He kind of just rolled around, gasping for air. Jellytronix... well, we just didn't like him at all. Very arrogant. There's no place for that here."
Live Big Battels:
- Aug 23, The Yard, Booklyn, NY
Congratulations to David and Camille on their beautiful wedding last weekend. Who knew that a studio full of monsters, merch, and mayhem could be a prime spot to meet your future spouse? Kaiju.com sends the happy couple our best wishes!
Heroes Triumphant in Multi-Monster Mayhem Matches
In other Podunk Battel action, the Hero Intern '08 tagged up with Force Trooper Robo and RoBox to take on Dr. Cube's fearsome team of Gomi-man, Napalean and Dino Kang Jr. in exciting Trios action. While Dino Kang Jr. was eliminated from the proceedings early after getting lost in the locker room area, Cube's monsters had plenty of help from Shrooma Tango, Marutombo and the unstoppable Craw. The Kaiju Heroes overcame the odds however and defeated the monsters with teamwork, dedication, and an oversized chainsaw laced with a mint-flavored neurotoxin.
Also, in a revenge fighto for the ages, the mighty French Toast defeated a team of Space Bug Swarm in a 12-on-1 handicap Battel. The Champion of Breakfasts made short work of the bugs who had tried to eat him two months earlier in Boston, crippling the creatures with a dazzling display of European uppercuts and lightning-quick Savate kicks. The Space Bugs were supposed to be lead by Yarsminko, but the party creature no-showed the event when he found out, in his words, that "DMB had a show in Boise, buddaayy!"
Kaiju Seeks New
Kaiju Big Battel's longtime web wrangler is very tired and is seeking a responsible, motivated designer to handle the day-to-day business of the Kaiju website. This is an excellent opportunity to join the Battel team, and work with a dynamic and creative Studio Kaiju staff. The perfect candidate is a wiz at HTML and CSS, has a designer's eye, and loves the Big Battel. PHP is a plus, but not required. Compensation is meager, but the creative rewards are substantial. New web wranglers will have an opportunity to explore new creative directions for kaiju.com, and craft the online presence for the universe's premier monster Batteling organization.
If you are interested, please email email@example.com, and put "New Web Wrangler" in the subject. Please include links to some sample work.
Question of the Week
Have you ever seen Kaiju crew looking so dapper?