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Kaiju Big Battel

Boston Massacre Trailer

You demanded it and now, per KRC decree, the official Boston Massacre Battel Trailer is available for your viewing pleasure. It's like a full Battel experience distilled into 2 minutes and 7 seconds of helmet-smashing, guitar-bashing, city-trashing mayhem.

If your hunger for Kaiju video entertainment was not sated by the Boston Massacre Battel Trailer, then head over to the IGN (Institute for Gomi-man Nose-Injuries?) Anime website. IGN (International Gnome Namers?) has partnered with the Kaiju Commissioner to present a treasure trove of archival Kaiju videos. Check them out now, then swing over to the Kaiju Video Department for more Kaiju video goodness.

Don't Forget the Rally!

This Tuesday, July 1st, D.W. Cycloptapuss III and company will be hosting a Kaiju Big Battel rally with Rocktapussy from Chicago and resident Kaiju DJ, DJ Clashious Clay at the Middle East Upstairs in Cambridge MA. There will also be a Battel Video installation featuring footage from the recent spring fightos plus muchu giveaways by Rockstar Games. This is an 18+ event. $8adv/$9dos.

Hero Flees After Philly Loss

Human professional wrestler Chris Hero, humiliated by his loss to real American Hero American Beetle in Philadelphia, left the Trocadero in a huff and immediately jumped on a plane to Europe to fulfill other human wrestling engagements.

"Good for him," Beetle later remarked. "How can you know just how good he has it in the good old U.S. of A. without seeing what the rest of the world has to offer?!" While Beetle believes that Hero fell to him because he "hates freedom," most Kaiju experts simply believe that no human can defeat a monster or a Kaiju Hero in a fair fight.

"Super Wrong is the exception, since he's not very good," one expert speaking of Chris Hero's sole Battel victory, "but in terms of just about everyone else, no regular human stands a chance." Hero, who by most accounts is kind of a jerk, has remained quiet about his Kaiju future, but no one should expect him to stay silent for long.

Shrooma Tango blamed for Portobello scare

Reports of Dr. Cube's fungus monster Shrooma Tango frolicking in a California mushroom farm along with a rash of multiple mushroom-poisoning deaths in the last week has led the FDA to release an advisory today recommending that Portobello mushrooms be removed from store shelves. The announcement comes just weeks after a salmonella scare with tomatoes rocked the lives of lycopne addicts everywhere.

Shrooma Tango could not be reached for comment, primarily because he is a mutated plant monster, and they typically don't understand how a telephone works.

Kaiju Seeks New Web Wrangler

Kaiju Big Battel's longtime web wrangler is very tired and is seeking a responsible, motivated designer to handle the day-to-day business of the Kaiju website. This is an excellent opportunity to join the Battel team, and work with a dynamic and creative Studio Kaiju staff. The perfect candidate is a wiz at HTML and CSS, has a designer's eye, and loves the Big Battel. PHP is a plus, but not required. Compensation is meagar, but the creative rewards are substantial. New web wranglers will have an opportuntity to explore new creative directions for kaiju.com, and craft the online presence for the universe's premier monster Batteling organization.

If you are interested, please email rob@kaiju.com, and put "New Web Wrangler" in the subject. Please include links to some sample work.

Question of the Week

Is someone mysteriously missing from the new 2009 Roster print?

Pre-Order the Shocking Truth DVD

Sprinkles Sues Monsters

Kaiju superfan Jimmy Sprinkles thought his greatest dreams had come true when he won a fan contest prior to this month's Escape to New York Battel. His prize was the right to award an honorary key to the winner of a match between D.W. Cycloptopuss III and Tucor. Sprinkles was excited to meet some real Kaiju monsters in the ring, but he got more than he bargained for when the two creatures attacked him instead.

Now with the help of his father, noted prosecutor Arthur J. Sprinkles, young Jimmy has pressed charges against Cycloptopuss and Tucor, among others. Cycloptopuss and Tucor are accused of assault, while Louden Noxious, who was ringside and calling the action, is accused of gross negligence. The suit also names 80's pop cover saxophone duo Ronald Reagan, claiming their rousing rendition of "We Built This City" distracted him on the way to the ring, and evil mastermind Dr. Cube, accused of "being a jerk."

"Jimmy is such a nice young boy, and it broke his heart with how he was treated at the show," the elder Sprinkles remarked. "He really wanted me to sue Silver Potato after he killed Pablo Plantain, so I'm glad I can do this for him instead." Legal experts believe that the lawsuit will be thrown out, citing Kaiju's explicit warnings about the possibility of Danger occurring during Fightos.

Tucor Still Searching for Marketing Opportunities

Despite the aforementioned threat of a lawsuit, and undeterred by his brutal defeat at the tentacles of D.W. Cycloptopuss III in New York, Dr. Cube's hideous monster Tucor is still on the prowl for merchandising and marketing opportunities. Reports indicate that the monster has been bothering Marmit, Kid Robot, Rockstar Games, and numerous other companies over the last few weeks in hopes of signing a big money deal.

The toucan/gerbil hybrid was even seen earlier this month at a Peelander-Z concert, hoping to attract the attention of record company executives. Reports indicate that the beast was passing out copies of his homemade rap CD, fashioned from cardboard and Junior Mints.

"I feel bad for him, because even if he gets a deal somewhere, I'll be keeping the money for myself," Dr. Cube said. "I mean, really, what's he going to spend it on? Hopefully some wrestling lessons. Then maybe he could win a match once in a while."

Calendar Kaiju

There's all manner of Kaiju events coming up:

Kaiju Appearances:

  • July 1, Kaiju Rally Party featuring Rocktapussy and DJ Clashious Clay at Middle East Upstairs, Cambridge, MA
  • July 24-28 at San Diego Comic-con in San Diego, CA

Live Big Battels:

  • Aug 23, Classified Battel, Location TBA
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