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Kaiju Big Battel
American Beetle Held Hostage

Can Beetle Escape Cube's Clutches?

Cube Captures
American Beetle

In a shocking revelation, Dr. Cube announced today that he has kidnapped American Beetle and will kill the patriotic pugilist unless the NFL awards him the Lombardi Trophy. According to Posse insiders, Cube has coveted the trophy since witnessing it's hypnotic powers over the 86.1 million humans who gathered this past Sunday to witness what he called "dozens of armor-clad buffoons squabbling over an oblong pig's bladder." So far it is unclear when, where, or how the maniacal mad scientist abducted Beetle, but the photographic evidence seems overwhelming. Still, the Kaiju Commissioner has refused to confirm Beetle's capture and has launched a full investigation into the star-spangled superhero's whereabouts.

Meanwhile, the NFL has promised that they will fully cooperate with the Commissioner to put an end to the crisis. The world champion New England Patriots have been ordered to keep the trophy all shined up for a potential exchange, while the broadcast division has activated their team of giant metal robots for a potential rescue mission.

D.W.'s Revenge

Last week we reported that hapless Hero Super Wrong had ruined the debut performance of D.W. Cycloptopuss' new band, the Cycloptopussies. Well, the one-eyed aquatic rocker has now gotten his revenge. Tipped off by a scorned disco diva, Cycloptopuss learned that Super Wrong was planning to attend Paul McCartney's Super Bowl halftime show so he could commune with other fans of dated, irrelevant music. Determined to ruin Super Wrong's fun, Cycloptopuss scalped tickets to the big game, right in front of Super Wrong's seat. Then, just when the musical tribute to America, or peace, or farmers, or peace-loving American farmers started, D.W. doffed a humorously oversized foam hat to obscure Super Wrong's view. Frustrated, Super Wrong tried to crane his neck over the hilarious hat, but in the midst of his contortions, his split-chest polyester leisure suit slid off his shoulder, revealing his left nipple. Before you could say "purple nurple" a security detail from standards and practices whisked Super Wrong away, ruining his evening, and ensuring that this Kaiju rivalry is far from over...

Sticker Shock

When the upcoming Kaiju DVD Shocking Truth was put on pre-sale, the good folks in the Kaiju Mall promised a special limited edition sticker would accompany every pre-order. That's all well and good, but everyone wanted to know what the sticker would look like. Would it be square, round, or a dodecahedron? Would it be a Cube logo, a monster in a cityscape, or maybe Referee Jingi in a black and white striped speedo? The suspense nearly killed us all. In fact it only killed one Minion, who was accidentally decapitated during a Posse cafeteria brawl sparked by an argument over whether the sticker would be scratch-n-sniff. But the time for speculation is over as the sticker, created by ace designer Vinnie Arnone, has been revealed! This hot new bumper sticker is exclusively available in the Kaiju Mall when you pre-order Kaiju Big Battel: Shocking Truth, so get your order in now!

Question of the Week

How many monsters does it take to demolish a tool shed?

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