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Title - Mayday Commentary

In the days leading up to Mayday! May Day! Boston SOS!, the Kaiju Commissioner touted the return of the Kaiju Heroes. He stacked the Battel lineup with Heroes, new and old, and promised a new era of law and order in Kaiju Big Battel. But by the night's end, it would not be the Kaiju Heroes that everyone was talking about.

thumb1Battel 1: The Rabbit and the Rampage
Dusto Bunny saved American Beetle from Vegetius

As a show of the Commissioner's resolve to contain Kaiju aggression, Louden Noxious began the evening by unveiling the recently captured Kaiju beast, Vegetius. But as Louden poked, prodded, and ridiculed the creature, it grew enraged, and burst out of it's cage. Chasing Louden into the Danger Cage, Vegetius was about to permanently silence the voice of Kaiju, when American Beetle stepped in.

American Beetle, determined to protect Louden's personal liberties, unleashed his patented electoral landslide attack. But even the pride of America couldn't contain Vegetius, and soon Beetle, along with Referee Jingi, found himself about to be crushed by an airborne shellshock. Luckily, the giant tortoise was too slow, as sage hare Dusto Bunny arrived just in time to save Beetle, Jingi, and the entire audience from Vegetius' destructive rampage.

thumb2>Battel 2: Eternal Justice of the Aquatic Kind
Neo Teppen vanquished Call-Me-Kevin

In early 2004, Neo Teppen promised to clean up Kaiju Big Battel and make the world safe from the antics of Rogues like Call-Me-Kevin. True to his word, Teppen took just minutes to catch Kevin in a secret-powered net of fighting prowess. Even the interference of D.W. Cycloptopuss III, making his long awaited return to the Danger Cage, couldn't end Teppen's quest for justice.

Faced with a double-team, Teppen used his wrist-mounted communicator to call in cardboard crusader RoBox, who downloaded a mega-beating to the hard-headed undersea tandem. With Cycloptopuss chased off, Teppen finished off Kevin, giving the Heroes' their second victory of the evening.

thumb3Battel 3: Mystery Hero Debut Battel
Gomi-man embarrassed Super Wrong

The Commissioner promised that the debut of the newest Kaiju Hero would be a memorable moment, and it was, but not for the reasons he had hoped. As the Big Battel sound system blared the strains of "Yatta!", Super Wrong made his highly anticipated Kaiju Big Battel debut with a 3 minute entrance, complete with video effects, escorts, teddy-bear throwing fans, choreographed dance moves, confetti, a disco ball, and much, much more. Thirteen seconds later he was on his back, unconscious, as Gomi-man celebrated the win. Has there ever been a less auspicious Kaiju debut? Perhaps not. But at the very least Super Wrong scored huge style points with the Kaiju fans!

Musical Tribute to Silver Potato starring J-Pop Superstar Chikako
At Brooklyn Double Danger, Dr. Cube's Posse ruined J-pop superstar Chikako's Silver Potato tribute by beating the Hero b-boy within an inch of his life. At Mayday! May Day! Boston SOS! however, Los Plantanos stepped their security up a notch. Fighting off waves of Minions, Pablo and Pedro assured Potato's safety, and allowed Chikako to wow the crowd with her stellar rendition of the Silver Potato tribute song, "Peel Me Now," despite a Grudyin-induced wardrobe malfunction.

thumb4Battel 4: Fruit, Flora, and Fauna Battel
Los Plantanos defeated Marutambo & The Grudyin

After Chikako made her escape from the Danger Cage, with Potato in tow, Referee Jingi yelled "Fighto," officially starting the tag team match-up. The rookie Posse members tried to outwit and outfight Los Plantanos, but were no match for the seasoned Plantains. Everything The Grudyin and Marutambo (dubbed "The Bark and the Bite" by Louden) attempted was countered - a clothesline turned into a South of the Border piñata party, double-team maneuvers were met with the Plantain Hurricane, and a pack of attack squirrels found the taste of Plantains to be quite disagreeable. Eventually Pablo and Pedro tired of toying with the rookie Posse punks and took up a pair of axes to bring down the lumbering Marutambo and secure the third Hero win of the night.

Battel 5: Kaiju Championship Belt Battel I
Unibouzu defeated Hell Monkey

Hell Monkey's bacchanalian lifestyle finally caught up with him at Mayday! May Day! Boston SOS! Staggering into the Danger Cage, reeking of booze and brimstone, the pickled primate could barely stand up as Jingi signaled the start of the Battel. In this state, the beer-chugging chimp was no match for Unibouzu, who pinned the wasted ape in less than three minutes. As the crowd cheered the new Kaiju Champion, Dr. Cube berated his right-hand monkey, before making a bold challenge to the new champ.

thumb5Battel 6: Kaiju Championship Belt Battel II
Dr. Cube defeated Unibouzu

Dr. Cube, enraged by Hell Monkey's pathetic performance, quickly challenged Unibouzu to his first title defense. Uni, always a slave to his over-inflated ego, could not help but accept, and what followed was one of the most epic confrontations in the history of Kaiju Big Battel. Cube's scalpel kick and malpractice technique were met by Uni's high flying assault and his top-of-the-Cage dive, known as Da Bomb. Niether was able to gain the advantage, until Cube called in two of his Minions to setup a devastating double-decker super-plex. But before Cube could make the pin, a certain disgruntled soup can, made his presence known.

thumb7Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle, still smarting from his stolen title shot at Brooklyn Double Danger, entered the Cage and immediately reminded everyone why he is known as the killer can. Man-handling both the evil doctor and the devil from the deep, Soup ripped off Cube's helmet, exposing his horrible visage, and then laid out Unibouzu with the feared five-fingered chowder fist. Leaving the two combatants incapacitated, Soup strode triumphantly out of the Danger Cage, but not before hoisting both Cube's helmet and the Kaiju Championship Belt over his head.

With Soup gone, Uni and Cube entered a final struggle for superiority, but once again, neither could secure the win. Finally, in a stroke of evil genius, Cube donned a chest protector (and Yankees cap), allowing him to launch a top-cage splash, without impaling himself on Uni's jagged spikes. With the air knocked out of Uni's gills, Cube was able to deliver the devastating Iconoclysm, and make the pin to become the new Kaiju Champion!

With the Kaiju Championship Belt around Dr. Cube's waist, the Kaiju Commissioner was left to wonder where his plans went awry. A night that was to mark a new era of Hero dominance, will instead be remembered forever as the night Dr. Cube clawed his way back to top of Kaiju Big Battel!