Kaiju Tools Get Email Updates Buy Kaiju's Debut Book Discuss Email this page
Kaiju Big Battel
Kaiju Official Jingi

Jingi in Jail?

FBI Announces First Suspect

Amid a complicated investigation spread amongst multiple interested parties, the FBI has announced their primary suspect in the murder of the Kaiju Commissioner. While there have been very few leads in the investigation, Kaiju Senior Official Jingi has been declared wanted for questioning, although no charges have been filed.

Although Jingi had a somewhat checkered past before his current career as Kaiju's lead referee, his track record as Kaiju Senior Official was unblemished. Although Kaiju Junior Official Nikkuman filled the role amicably, there is and likely will never be a greater arbiter of justice than Jingi.

However, that reputation appears to be under fire, as the damning piece of evidence found on the crime scene was none other than Jingi's own trademark whistle. But there's two critical elements to a guilty conviction; the evidence, and a motive. The evidence is clearly not in Jingi's favor, but what motive could he possibly have to kill the Commissioner?

As mentioned earlier, Jingi has not been charged, but he is still wanted for questioning. Since his mysterious absence from Kaiju in 3-D, Jingi is still nowhere to be found. Nevertheless, local police authorities, the CIA and Robocop all seem to have their own theories as to who murdered the commissioner, so stay tuned for more updates as they develop.

Kaiju Bootlegs Declare Independence

We're still a few months away from the 4th of July, but that doesn't mean its too early for a secession! But not the bad kind, like the Civil War or whenever Texas decides they want to be their own country and elect Chuck Norris president. No, we're talking about Kaiju Bootleg DVDs!

If you check out the Kaiju Mall right now, you'll discover brand new individual item sections for some of our biggest bootleg DVDs, including the brand-new Kaiju in 3-D, The New & Improved Boston Massacre, Danger Strikes Back and Tinseltown Showdown, now available for order individually!

You may be asking, what's the big deal? So they got a new picture, so what? Well, the big reason is, now you can order multiple bootlegs at a time, instead of placing individual orders. So if you want to catch up on your Kaiju history all at once, it's easier than ever! Also, if you're one of those people who simply judges a Battel by its cover, well, we'll make it nice and easy for you now.

Contradiction of the Week

The next statement is true. The previous statement was false.

Buy More Better Fighto DVD!

Giii Hatches Brilliant Scheme

Giii the Space Pirate, still upset by his failure to win the Mean 13 RoBox Rumble, and facing a financial crisis of his own, has stopped his recent trend of Fred Sanford-esque get-rich-quick schemes and instead has resumed his orignal career of Space Piracy.

"I began to miss me old profession," said Giii earlier. "With all the talk of piracy lately, what with all the leaked Wolverine movie and the PirateBay verdict and them companies suin' Real Networks, it got me all nostalgic. Although I don't know why anyone would sue Real Networks. I don't think anyone's used the RealPlayer in like eight years. Er, I mean... arrr, matey!"

Apparently not one to follow suit of the other types of piracy currently taking place on Earth, Giii instead has decided to steal and leak a copy of the 1991 Brian Bosworth classic "Stone Cold", which experts say grossed 14 dollars nationwide at the time of its release. Giii isn't quite sure how he'll turn a profit, but is pretty sure the film is "quite awesome."

Bottom Border