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Kaiju Big Battel News Flash 11/24/04

Hello The Grudyin.

After several weeks of legal wrangling, the The Grudyin's Hello Kaiju bio is now online. Dr. Cube had originally blocked the release of the bio due to a controversial photo caption that poked fun at The Grudyin's chest plating. It wasn't until the Kaiju Commissioner threatened to shut down Dr. Cube's Merch Lab that the evil doctor agreed to a compromise: included in the official bio is a point-counterpoint discussion of the controversy featuring Louden Noxious and Dr. Cube himself.

Shop 'Til You Drop.

While the competition is going to great lengths to make sure you wake up and do your shopping at their stores, the Kaiju Commissioner knows you'll want to target the Kaiju Mall for all your holiday shopping. After all, there are a ton of great Kaiju gifts in the Mall including brand new Plantain Pouches, Kaiju Holiday Gift Cards, Limited Edition Posters, a full line of T-Shirts and Girlie Ts, and restocked Dr. Cube Thongs. Plus theres two special Kaiju Holiday Gift Packs, and a Limited Edition Marutambo Holiday Ornament, available for free with any purchase of $30.00 or more (not including shipping). Click here for all the details.

Own a Piece of Call-Me-Steve.

After waging a successful campaign to gain custody over his ancestor Call-Me-Steve's remains, Call-Me-Kevin promised to restore the dignity that NASA had stripped away when they removed Call-Me-Steve from his final resting place in Saturn's rings. Who knew that dignity could be found through a silent auction? Today, Kevin took closed bids for his late relative's remains from seventeen of the world's top research laboratories. The winning bid has not yet been announced, but Call-Me-Kevin's spokesman issued the following statement.

"Call-Me-Kevin is a firm believer in capitalism and can think of no better way to pay tribute to Call-Me-Steve, than by revealing his true value through the open market."

Requisite Holiday Content. Kaiju Style.

With Thanksgiving at hand, thousands of magazines, websites, blogs, and television programs are turning to the tried and true "What Do You Give Thanks For?" device to fill out their late November issues. Not kaiju.com though. No, this journalistic trailblazer will instead ask the tough question that no one else is asking, "Who's the biggest turkey in Kaiju Big Battel?"

"After his inauspicious debut, I'd have to say Super Wrong." - Louden Noxious

"The Kaiju Commissioner, of course." - Dr. Cube

"Dr. Cube, of course." - The Kaiju Commissioner

"This big turkey, does it have any evil powers?" - Neo Teppen

Question of the Week:

What were KRC operatives doing at Irving Plaza this weekend?

Kaiju News Update 11/11/04

Kaiju On Dennis Miller Tonight.

Kaiju Big Battel will be appearing tonight on the Dennis Miller Show on CNBC at 9pm. Tune in to see what Miller has to say about Louden Noxious and friends.

Kaiju Big Battel News Flash 11/11/04

Support the Revolution.

For nearly a decade, Los Plantanos have waged a guerilla campaign to overthrow the oppressive regime of the Sock Puppet Dictator. Sick of the Socket Puppet Dictator's corrupt (the nation's coffers drained to fund personal darning with solid gold thread) and brutal (dissenting fruit folk peeled alive) ways, Pedro and Pablo Plantain have fomented a revolution of the people! But revolution doesn't come cheap. There's the propaganda printing costs, the beard and moustache upkeep, and you wouldn't believe how much a nice pair of matching fatigues costs these days.

So what can two cash-starved freedom fighting Plantains do to raise a little bit of capital? Produce a video appeal to the American people, of course. "Support the Revolution" is a simple reminder that Los Plantanos need your American dollars to help them keep up the good fight. So watch "Support the Revolution" now and remember "¡Viva Los Plantanos!"

Plantain Pencil Pouch.

Buying a Los Plantanos T-Shirt or Tanktop is a great way to lend your support to Pedro and Pablo, but what if you already have one? Or maybe all your pants clash with the color green. Well, if a shirt isn't the thing for you, then be sure to check out the brand new Plantain Pencil Pouch. Handmade by punk-rock designer Rachael Hawkins, the Plantain Pencil Pouch is made from the finest high-sheen kelly green polyester. The zippered Pouch is the perfect size for pencils, pens, makeup, or whatever else you can fit inside.

And don't forget about all the Kaiju Holiday Specials in the Mall. There's two different Holiday Gift Packs, plus two chances to get a free Marutambo Holiday Ornament. Click here for all the details.

NASA Settles with Call-Me-Kevin.

Following a week of legal wrangling, NASA has agreed to hand over to Call-Me-Kevin the partially decomposed remains of one of his relatives. Kevin had filed a lawsuit seeking control over the remains, which were originally recovered from Saturn's rings two weeks ago. In the lawsuit he claimed that NASA had desecrated the final resting place of one of his brethren, and that performing medical studies on the carcass would doom his ancestor's spirit to roam the cosmos for eternity. The lawsuit, along with the accompanying public outcry, convinced NASA to hand the remains over to Kevin. Upon hearing of NASA's decision, Call-Me-Kevin's legal team issued the following statement:

"We are deeply satisfied that NASA has made the right decision and relinquished their claim over the remains of the creature, who Call-Me-Kevin has been able to identify as his 3rd cousin on his mother's side, Call-Me-Steve. Call-Me-Kevin will now be able to assure the Call-Me-Steve is treated with the dignity and respect that is appropriate for the departed."

It is unclear how Call-Me-Kevin plans to restore dignity to the late Call-Me-Steve, but stay tuned to kaiju.com for more information in the coming weeks.

Costume Contest Winner.

After a week's worth of fan deliberation, a Kaiju Costume Contest Winner has been chosen by popular vote. Surmounting the crowded field of Dr. Cube costumes is none other than Svelte Cube by Korey C. Congratulations to Korey C, and all the runner-ups (Rob S's Dr. Cube in Lab-like Environment, Dave F's Dr. Cube with Dead Nurse and adult beverage, Cam G's Live on Video Dr. Cube, and Michael B's Casual Fridays Cube).

Question of the Week:

What else can you put in the Plantain Pencil Pouch?

Kaiju Big Battel News Flash 11/4/04

Video Conclusion

When we last left Los Plantanos, The Grudyin, SDS-1, and SMX-001 AKA Craw, the freedom fighting Twins had mounted a comeback against Cube's henchmen. Can Pablo and Pedro maintain their momentum, defeat the Posse, and salvage the ruined tribute to Silver Potato? Find out now in the third and final installment of Los Plantanos VS The Grudyin & SDS-1!

Don't worry if you missed the beginning, you can still watch Los Plantanos VS The Grudyin & SDS-1 Part 1 and Los Plantanos VS The Grudyin & SDS-1 Part 2 in kaiju.com's Bideo Entertainment Television Action section.

Cube Crafts Marutambo Ornament.

This morning at the International Super Villains' Crafts Fair and Swap Meet, Dr. Cube debuted his newest creation, the Marutambo Ornament. A hand-crafted, limited-edition masterpiece, the Marutambo Ornament is approximately 5 inches tall and features advanced "hook" technology. Each ornament bares an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Cube's towering tree monster, and is sure to become a treasured family heirloom.

The Marutambo Ornament is not available for sale anywhere, and can only be obtained through one of three special offers in the Kaiju Mall:

New Kaiju Card Set Too!

The Marutambo Ornament isn't the only new item in the Kaiju Mall. This week the Kaiju Mall has also added the Limited Edition Kaiju Card Set, featuring 4 hand-screened, limited edition Kaiju cards. Printed in the style of Japanese New Year cards, each 4"x6" card features a different design: Cube's X-mas Surprise, Happy Birthday from Pedro Plantain, Happy Holidays from Vegetius and Dr. Cube, and Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle Kicks Off the New Year. For just $4 for all 4 cards, the Limited Edition Kaiju Card Set is the best thing to happen to cards since they killed off Cathy!

And as is that wasn't enough Mall news, many popular items have been restocked including Dr. Cube Thongs, Kaiju Magnets, Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle T-Shirts and Dr. Cube and Star T-Shirts in all sizes (including XXL), and Cube's Posse Propaganda Packs.

NASA Desecrates Call-Me-Kevin's Cousin.

Last week it was reported that the partial remains of one of Call-Me-Kevin's species were collected from Saturn's rings by the Cassini orbiter and sent back to earth for further study. However before NASA could send the carcass to the University of Michigan for study, Call-Me-Kevin obtained an injunction blocking the transfer of the remains. According to court documents obtained by kaiju.com, Call-Me-Kevin claims that NASA has desecrated the body of one of his relatives by removing it from its final resting place. Kevin goes on to claim that his ancestor's spirit is now doomed to roam the cosmos forever unless he is given custody of the corpse and performs the appropriate rites and ceremonies to restore the dignity that NASA has stripped away.

Costume Contest Vote Off!

After sifting through all the costume contest entries, the Kaiju Commissioner was disturbed to find that all the best entries were Dr. Cube costumes (and one impressive Cube O' Lantern courtesy of Danny B.). Why so many people would choose to impersonate the vary embodiment of evil was beyond the Commissioner, but even he had to admit that 5 of the Cube costumes were the best entries:

Ultimately, the Commissioner was so disgusted by all the Cube costumes that he just couldn't bare to make a decision, and he decided to leave it up to the people. Vote now for your favorite Dr. Cube costume, and remember: the winner has a huge Kaiju prize pack coming their way, so this election may be the most important in your lifetime. Or at least since last Tuesday.

Rank Reactions.

Louden Noxious' Kaiju Championship Belt contender rankings last week raised more than a few eyebrows in Kaiju circles. Some of the most scathing responses to Louden's rankings:

"Yes, Louden is my nephew, but that only makes me more disappointed that he chose to put two Kaiju Rogues, and not a Hero at the top of the list." - The Kaiju Commissioner

"Where's the love?" - Jenny Chittles, President of the Super Wrong Fan Club

"If [Soup] can't handle [Unibouzu], he's definitely not going to be able to handle Cube." - Jay on the Kaiju Big Board

"Do you think I care what the whinnying donkey thinks? I will destroy whoever challenges me!" - Dr. Cube

Question of the Week:

What is Lady Rachael stitching together for the Kaiju Mall?

Kaiju Big Battel News Flash 11/1/04

Quick Update.

This weekend some visitors to kaiju.com were unable to view the new Los Plantanos VS The Grudyin & SDS-1 Part 2 video. The video has been fixed and can now be viewed by all. Meanwhile the Commissioner has launched a full investigation into who was responsible. Early reports indicate the Dr. Cube, and not the hardworking, mistake-free staff at kaiju.com, is most likely responsible.

The Commissioner would also like to remind everyone that there is still time to submit your entry to the Kaiju Halloween Costume Contest. Just email a photo of your costume to rob@kaiju.com by the end of the day Tuesday for your chance to win a huge prize pack including an out-of-print video and your very own piece of the Danger Zone