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Kaiju Big Battel
New Toys to Debut at Comic-Con

Hotter Than a Xena Cos-Player!

Kaiju at Comic-Con This Weekend

Kaiju Big Battel is taking the San Diego Comic-Con by storm this weekend. Each day at Booth #4632, a new Vegetius Vinyl Toy variant will be released with a limited quantity available each day. On Thursday, the original edition will reared its beaked head. On Friday, a special Glow-in-the-dark variant will emerge from the jungle! And on Saturday.... it's a super-secret mystery surprise. These beautifully painted, imported Vegetius figures are the second release in the Kaiju Big Battel X Marmit line from Japan. This posable vinyl figure stands approximately 12" tall and is ready to Battel Sky Deviler. At $65 per figure these collectible gems won't last long, and are limited to one figure per customer.

Also appearing at Comic-Con will be the nefarious Dr. Cube, South American freedom fighter Pedro Plantain and his zombified brother Pablo, and time-travelling disco Hero Super Wrong.

Not going to the Con? You might want to order your Vegetius now before they sell-out in San Diego!

Los Plantanos Back in the Spotlight

One of the more surprising twists from last month's Shpadoinkelmania VII was the unexpected reformation of Los Plantanos. Despite Pedro Plantain recently losing his Kaiju Hero status and Pablo Plantain being an undead, brain-eating zombie, the brothers appear to be back together for the long haul.

Los Plantanos used to be Kaiju Big Battel's premiere tag team, until the evil Dr. Cube brainwashed their friend Silver Potato and the Supersonic Spud murdered Pablo. Cube turned Pablo into a zombie, but quickly found out that zombies can't be brainwashed.

Pedro has been on the long road to revenge ever since. After hiring the Iron Brothers to kidnap Silver Potato and feed him to Pablo, the Kaiju Commissioner booted him out of the Heroes faction for associating with known criminals. Then Pedro, with Pablo's help, annhiliated Cube's hench-shark-ape The Grudyin in Philadelphia last month. Only time will tell for whom the bell tolls next for Dr. Cube's Posse!

Exclusive: Beav Opens Up to Kaiju.com

In an emotional sit-down interview with Kaiju.com, disgraced News Beaver Beav Wallace revealed his troubles with fame and addiction, just one week after being suspended for attacking a reporter. The Beav, real name Steve McWallacebergsteinski, was forthcoming about a number of topics, perhaps the most shocking of which was an admission to chronic alcoholism.

"It started in high school, when I would steal cans of O'Doul's from my father's minifridge in the garage," Beav recalls. "Then, as the Kaiju parties got crazier and the women got wilder, I eventually got into the heavy stuff - Hakke Beck, Root Beer, and even vir-gin amp; tonics, all that stuff. I was out of control." Wallace, who admitted to being intoxicated on the night of his assault, has said he will enter rehab during his suspension.

"So chill!" opined Kaiju resident elicit substance expert Yarsminko. "More brewskis for my broskis, buddaaay!

Where Dost SDS-1 Time Traveleth

Correction: Last week, it was implied that the Kaiju Commissioner had ripped off the spelling of Battel from Edmund Spenser's Faerie Queene. An exhaustive investigation has revealed, however, that it was all an elaborate setup by Dr. Cube to discredit the Commissioner. According to a team of expert Inter-Dimensional Chronologolists, the whole scheme was perpetrated by SDS-1. When the Commissioner originally picked a name for Kaiju Big Battel, he was familiar with Spenser's original line:

"Roses are red, Battles are blue."

Years later, SDS-1 ripped the inter-dimensional curl all the way back to the 1500s and altered Spenser's original manuscript to read:

"To proue his puissance in battell braue."

With Cube's nefarious plan exposed, the Commissioner has been cleared of all plagairsim charges. It is unknown if SDS-1 has defaced any other great literature, but already titles including Of Mice and Minions, Great Cube-spectations, War and Posse, and The Lion, the Witch, and the Ruggedly Handsome Dr. Cube have fallen under suspicion.

Kaiju Seeks New
Web Wrangler

Kaiju Big Battel's longtime web wrangler is very tired and is seeking a responsible, motivated designer to handle the day-to-day business of the Kaiju website. This is an excellent opportunity to join the Battel team, and work with a dynamic and creative Studio Kaiju staff. The perfect candidate is a wiz at HTML and CSS, has a designer's eye, and loves the Big Battel. PHP is a plus, but not required. Compensation is meager, but the creative rewards are substantial. New web wranglers will have an opportunity to explore new creative directions for kaiju.com, and craft the online presence for the universe's premier monster Batteling organization.

If you are interested, please email rob@kaiju.com, and put "New Web Wrangler" in the subject. Please include links to some sample work.

Pre-Order the Shocking Truth DVD

RoBox Nano 3G Air Touch Released

Robo Dynamics, the Kaiju Regulatory Commission-owned robotics conglomerate, unveiled the new RoBox Touch Nano 3G Air today in front of a large crowd of hipsters, techies, and coffee shop poets. The RoBox Air Nano Touch 3G, designed to replace the original RoBox, is notably smaller, thinner, brighter, smoother, shinier, boxier, more robotic, and weighs approximately the same as a pretzel. Robo Dynamics has also begun a hip new ad campaign comparing the new device with the old RoBox, featuring a metrosexual and a fat loser in a suit.

"We hope to make old RoBox fans feel like fat losers in suits," noted Robo Dynamics spokeswoman Raye Varron. The RoBox 3G Air Touch Nano is expected to replace RoBox's spot on the Kaiju Heroes roster by the end of the month.

Call-Me-Kevin Calls A Lawyer

A week after being kicked out of the Sea Amigos, former Kaiju Grand Champion Call-Me-Kevin has hired noted prosecutor Arthur J. Sprinkles to sue his former teammates in a desperate last-ditch attempt to stay in the once-illustrious quasi-faction.

"My client only wants to reclaim his place amongst the Kaiju elite," Sprinkles said today, "and he feels that, through the power of friendship and teamwork, the Sea Amigos remain his best option." Sprinkles noted that, if anything, D.W. Cycloptopuss III should be the one who is kicked out, since he's the only non-Kaiju Champion among the threesome. "Between this and my other Kaiju lawsuit, Cycloptopuss could put my son Jimmy through college!" Sprinkles added.

The Sea Amigos used to be the premier three-member aquatic-themed group in Kaiju, with their own t-shirt and even an appearance in the Chikara King of Trios 2008 tournament. The group seemed to have reached a pinnacle when Unibouzu and D.W. Cycloptopuss III helped perennial loser Call-Me-Kevin capture the Kaiju Grand Championship last October. But jealousy and a string of losses spelled the end of Kevin's tenure. As always, check Kaiju.com for more updates on this developing story.

Other Comic-con Happenings

Some of the exciting things happening at this year's San Diego Comic-Con:

  • Kaiju Big Battel will be holding it down in Booth #4632.
  • The casts of Stargate: SG1 and Stargate: Atlantis will compete for who can draw the most-autograph seekers. The losers will be beaten mercilessly by Jaffa cos-players.
  • A super limited-edition variant of the brand new Vegetius vinyl toy from Marmit will premier.
  • Hollywood will reveal their next big comic-book movie - Archie + Veronica 4-Eva, a modernized reimagining of the Archie Comics Universe, from the producers of Cruel Intentions.
  • People will demean themselves for promotional merchandise.
  • Kaiju creatures will appear throughout the Con for your autograph-signing pleasure.

Calendar Kaiju

There's all manner of Kaiju events coming up:

Kaiju Appearances:

  • July 24-28 at San Diego Comic-con in San Diego, CA

Live Big Battels:

  • Aug 23, Classified Battel, Location TBA

Question of the Week

Are they expecting a decent sized crowd in San Diego?

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