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Kaiju Big Battel
Louden Sets Wii Bowling Record

Louden Wiins!

Louden Spares No One in Big Bowling Win

Not content with being the famous face of Kaiju Big Battel, ace announcer Louden Noxious recently put his stamp on the world of bowling. At the Professional Bowling Association's annual Charity Celebrathon Pro-Am Bowl-splosion, Louden Noxious teamed up with PBA phenom Johnny "No Thumbs" Olcharski to win over $7320.53, two baskets of pretzels, and half a pitcher of stale beer for the Louden Noxious Foundation for Advanced Hair Styling Research. Louden rolled a record-breaking 139 in the last frame, breaking a three-way tie between himself, Mark-Paul Gosselear, and Hannah Montana's pregnant, drug-addled cousin Sue-Rita Florida, star of Nickelodeon's "So Sue-Rita Me!" series.

Urine Good Hands

The results are in and the Kaiju Commissioner is proud to announce that "...the Hero Intern has passed his drug test with flying colors!" That means that mild mannered Wally Wallace has officially been transformed into an authentic Kaiju Hero! The journey has been turbulent, and despite a demotion or two along the way, the former Hero Intern has finally reached his goal. The Intern himself was not available for comment, but the Commissioner promised that "the glory of this promotion will not go to his head. I am confident that he will uphold this honor with the utmost responsibility and respect."

Now the former Intern, who has yet to pick a heroic name, must turn in his trainee helmet for an upgrade. Additionally, he will be given a Kaiju utility belt just like his mentor Neo Teppen, a pass to the Kaiju Hero gym, and a parking space of his very own (#583, Blue Lot). This is certainly bad news for disorderly, city-crushing monsters, but great news for Kaiju Fans. That's because the Kaiju Commissioner is also announcing the second-ever Hero Intern Program. If you think you've got what it takes to put the likes of Dr. Cube's Posse in their place then send a resume, a glamour shot, and a short entry on why you deserve to be the next Hero Intern to contests@kaiju.com.

Plantain Plushies Powerfully Popular

The crazy Kaiju holiday shopping season has left the Kaiju Mall crew beat, blistered, and bruised, and the Kaiju warehouse shelves nearly bare. Among the most popular gifts this holiday season were the brand new Plantain Plushies. These hand-crafted limited-edition collectables were so popular that only a handful of complete pairs remain in stock. Order your Plantain Plushies today to make sure you don't miss out!

Also, in low stock right now are Sky Deviler Toy Variants from Marmit. Plus don't forget about the special 3 DVD Combo Deal with bonus DVD, the new Kaiju T-Shirts, and the limited-edition More Better Fighto Battel prints designed by Brian Wood.

The Future of the Fatal Fraternity

The Kaiju Regulatory Commission is set to meet this week to decide whether or not to ban the Iron Brothers from the Big Battel. Brother Mace, Brother Claw, and Brother Fist all made their debut at the Warsaw in November at the More Better Fighto Battel where they kidnapped Silver Potato during a fighto against Super Wrong. These heinous hirelings were introduced to the Big Battel by forelorn Hero Pedro Plantain, looking to avenge his brother's death. Now that they've done their job, the Triangle Of Death is surely looking for more work in the tumultuous Big Battel setting, but the KRC has concerns.

The horrific video evidence of Potato's gory death, seems to indicate that the Iron Brothers may have been in league with the ravenous Zombie Plantain. Zombie-collaboration is, of course, explicitly banned by the Big Battel charter, and is punishable by a life-time ban. If the KRC decides the Iron Brothers are barred from the Big Ring, who will be able to enforce this decision? The Kaiju Commissioner can hide behind his secret identity, but who will step up to protect the innocent from these merciless killers?

The Motivation Crustacean

After months of deliberation, a federal judge has dismissed the lawsuit filed by Call-Me-Kevin and his legal team against Telephonies Inc. over the rights to 1-800-365-3846. As it turns out, 1-800-FOLD-TIN, a hotline created to aid those interested in foil origami, is more vital to the children in America than an uplifting phone call with a newfound winner at 1-800-CM-KEVIN. In spite of this setback, the Kaiju Championship Belt holder insists that he will launch his service much sooner than later. "I've finally outgrown my washout ways. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. I will not rest until I have opened my motivational speaking hotline... unless I get bored... or sleepy."

Question of the Week

Has anyone seen Hell Monkey?

Pre-Order the Shocking Truth DVD

Uchu Chu's New Year's Resolution

In a surprise move, the leader of Team Space Bug has sworn off Royal Space Jelly, in favor of a new vice. Now Uchu Chu needs to satiate his avid appetite with gold. "Since I've made my return to the Big Ring, I've had a few close encounters of the championship kind. Dr. Cube and his Minions took that opportunity away from me by destroying my weakened exoskeleton when I was scheduled to challenge Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle. Nevertheless, I worked hard to get back to the top, defeating every opponent put in my path during the Podfighto Tournament, only to suffer a humiliating loss to that geek Call-Me-Kevin. I fought hard to secure my spot as Kaiju Grand Champion when that lucky lobster practically had the belt handed to him! It has been too long since this Space Bug has held a Kaiju title. Now that I have the support of my old pal Yarsminko, we are sure to be unstoppable. I vow to all of my loyal followers that I will make you proud by winning a Kaiju Championship in 2008. And I will not drink an ounce of Royal Space Jelly until it is time to celebrate!"

Peelander-Z Contest Winner!

Congratulations to Nicole F-G who totally informed us all about Peelander-Z (oh, come on, like we didn't already know - they rule!). All she had to do was show us her favorite one dollar bill which Peelander Blue had autographed. She scored herself the delightful "Peelander is Fun" DVD as well as a righteous Kaiju Prize Package. A big thank you to everyone that entered and keep an eye out upcoming contests!

Kaiju Anime Con World Tour

The Kaiju Anime Club is growing fast, and we're always looking for new member clubs. If your club is interested in joining, please sign up today, or email info@kaiju.com for more info.

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