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Kaiju Big Battel
A Newspaper Reports American Beetle is Dead

Beetle Struck Down

American Beetle Killed

In a shocking surprise, patriotic Hero American Beetle was assassinated early Wednesday morning. While a horrified crowd looked on in shock, an agent of Beetle's arch-nemesis, Father Flagburner, riddled the star-spangled super-Hero's body with bullet holes on the steps of the Capitol Building. The reaction to Beetle's death has been a mixture of anger, disbelief, and the less-well-known 6th stage of coping - ragelief. Conservative commentator Chad Tucker echoed the sentiment of no other sane person, when he said "Killing American Beatle during a time of war is grossly inappropriate! Why couldn't they have waited until after we've won in 2053?"

Despite the bloody scene, and an official declaration of "death by bullet overdose", many remain skeptical about Beetle's demise. Some Beetle fans, citing past incidents of Kaiju "returning-from-the-dead" such as the recent birth of Baby Sky Deviler, protest that Kaiju rarely stay dead for long. The Kaiju Commissioner has issued a rebuff to these skeptics however, claiming "American Beetle is dead, and while I mourn his loss as much as anyone, I promise you he will not be coming back."

Video Warning

Last week we reported that kaiju.com was being blocked by the Chinese government's firewall, and speculated that the censorship was due to the cult of personality surrounding Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle in the People's Republic. This week, the Chinese consulate issued a tersely worded press release accusing of us of rabble-rousing. According to a consulate spokeswoman, kaiju.com is blocked in China only because of it's high Danger content. A team of Chinese government scientist discovered that merely browsing kaiju.com raises your chance of death by crushing, digestion, and immolation by over 37%. Beijing therefore had no choice but to protect their people by banning browsing of the Battel.

What this new scientific revelation means for non-Chinese viewers of kaiju.com is unclear at this time, but this is probably a good time to share our latest Bideo - Kaiju Danger Warning. Watch it closely and then sign the seventeen page Danger Waiver arriving in your mail shortly.

Papa Soup

When Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle defeated Dr. Cube at Kaiju Big Battel: The TV Pilot, he not only retained the Kaiju Championship Belt, but he won an entirely unexpected prize - fatherhood! The Kaiju known as the Brutal Noodle left the Big Ring in Boston carrying the newly born Baby Sky Deviler in his arms. What possessed Soup, a notoriously cold and calculating individual, to save the baby from a future of Posse enslavement, or Space Bag debauchery? Only Soup himself knows the answer, but this much is sure - Team Space Bug (with their ranks now thinned) are bound to seek visitation rights... with a vengeance!

Otaku Update

Who's going be selected as the Kaiju Otaku Fan King? The Kaiju Commissioner had so many high quality entries, including two awesome new toys, some excellent new Battel Photos, a fresh crop of fan art, and more, that he had to enlist the Heroes to help him answer this most important of questions. The Commish put all the names into the Hero Intern's helmet and had Tadd Braddley select the winner at random. After fishing around in the Intern's sweaty helmet for a good 17 seconds, Tadd's feathered paw pulled out a stained strip of paper with the name, Pipmonkey, scribbled on it. Congrats Pipmonkey! Email your mailing address and preferred t-shirt size to submit@kaiju.com and the Intern will promptly mail you a limited-edition TV Pilot shirt in the size and color of your choice.

As for all you Kaiju Otaku King hopefuls, keep the fan art coming (send your work to submit@kaiju.com), because you all have what it takes to be a winner!

American Beetle Alive!

Hero legend American Beetle has returned! Many seconds ago, you read that American Beetle was gunned down during a visit to the Capitol Building in Washington D.C. In a shocking twist, Beetle has returned, alive and well! According to Beetle himself, he was alive and just grabbing a sandwich in the Senate commissary the whole time! The "American Beetle" that was shot dead was actually a clone of Beetle's twin from another dimension, who was plucked out of Hell by an insane super-dimensional witch, as part of an intricate plan to steal Slo Feng's beard.

Question of the Week

Wat does Kaiju 3:14 say?

Pre-Order the Shocking Truth DVD

Team Slogan Contest

The Kaiju design team is hard at work on the latest designs for spring/summer. Vinnie Arnone has some fresh new designs representing all the Kaiju factions, but we're missing one thing - new team slogans! Kaiju has the "Danger Can Happen" tagline, and Soup has his "Mmm, Mmm, Bad" slogan, but what should the slogans be for each Kaiju faction? Submit your cool Kaiju team slogans and you could win a new car... but you'll probably just win the newest autographed print by Kaiju designer-at-large, Vinnie "Pepperoni" Arnone.This limited-edition large-format print features the entire current Kaiju roster and will be a con exclusive. No, you will not be able to purchase it in the Kaiju Mall, but you will be able to get one at both APE in SF and the Boston Anime Con. So, send all your awesome team slogans to submit@kaiju.com. Deadline for submissions is April 1st 2007.

So Right It's Wrong

After making up after their hard fought Fighto at last month's Battel, Super Wrong and Dusto Bunny have been hard at work cementing their new found friendship with the international language of love - dance! Visitors to the Kaiju HQ Dance-aterium and Aerobics Center report that the dusted dancer and the super swinger are perfecting a series of brand new Kaiju moves that take two to tango, including the Disco Double Team, the Lambada Slamma Jamma, the Mariachi Meltdown, and a new super move known only as the DDRsplosion. If you want to learn these awe-inspiring dance moves, there is hope. PerezHilton.com has reported that Mr. Bunny and Mr. Wrong have recently inked a six-figure deal for a series of instructional dance DVD's.

Two More Con Screenings Added

Two more stops (Anime Boston and APE) have been added to this year's Kaiju Anime Con World Tour. Visitors to each of these cons will be treated to a sneak preview of the upcoming More Better Fighto DVD:

  • March 17-18 at Momocon in Atlanta, GA
  • March 31 at Chibi Fest in Las Vegas, NV
  • April 20-22 at Anime Boston in Boston MA
  • April 21-22 at APE, San Francisco CA
  • May 5-6 at SyndiCon 2006 in Valpairso, IN

The Kaiju Anime Club is growing fast, and we're always looking for new member clubs. If your club is interested in joining, please sign up today, or email eric@kaiju.com for more info.

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