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Kaiju Big Battel
Child's Sketch of a Rogue Hero

Have you seen this Hero?

Heroes on the Take?

It's been a bad year for our Kaiju Heroes: Silver Potato defected to Dr. Cube's Posse, Pablo Plantain was murdered/zombified, and RoBox got a nasty case of musty carboard rot. Now, yet again, another Hero has found himself amidst controversy, this time in the form of a Force Trooper Robo scandal. The bluest of Robos was allegedly seen last week accepting cookies from one "Old Lady" Ferguson of Glendale, Michigan, after freeing her cat, Wrinkles, from a tree. As per the Kaiju Regulatory Commission Hero Conduct and Code of Ethics By-Laws, Regulations, and Rules Limted Edition Hardbound Omnibus edition, Heroes are strictly prohibited from accepting any payment, even in the form of gifts. Force Trooper has refuted the accusations, stating that he was "simply being polite to old lady," and the cookies were actually stale, crusty, and tasted like feet.

Since the breaking of this story, dozens of other accounts of Heroes strong-arming the human community have begun to surface. "After American Beetle caught The Grudyin, he just held out his hand, like, 'So, what're we doin' here?" begins one such story from Josephine Smith of Trenton, New Jersey, recounting an alleged experience with the All-American Hero. "I was shocked. I was like, 'Ain't you the Heroes or somethin'?' and he just tossed his arms up like 'What're you, kidding?' and let The Grudyin go! It ate my dog, man! And she was a Collie... that's a big dog!"

Another tale, this time from Warren McClusky of Columbus, Ohio hinted at a larger Hero corruption scandal: "Okay, I'm eating my lollipop on my porch one afternoon when I hear this disco music coming up the street, real slow, as if the person playing it is just taking his time,dancing all the way, you know?" (It is fair to mention at this time that McCklusky has been clinically blind for the past twelve years.) "And so I hear my neighbor's kid shouting 'It's a Kaiju Hero! A Hero is here!' and I think to myself 'Wow! What's a Kaiju Hero doing here?!' and I start searching for my autograph book, but the music starts getting closer, like he's running, right? And all of a sudden it's like 'BOOM' my lollipop's gone and the music's alllll the way on the other side of the block. So I ask the kid, I go 'Hey, kid... did... he just steal my lolliopop?' and the kid's like 'Yeah.'"

The Kaiju Regulatory Commission is setting up a hotline to take tips from anyone who has any information regarding the identity of Mr. Mclusky's lollipop thief (as sketched by a child eye witness above), or any further Hero-related incidences.

New Faction T-Shirts a Hit!

The new Kaiju Faction T-Shirts and Faction Girlie-Ts are sweeping the nation! Which notable personalities are wearing these limited edition shirts? Check out some of the early adopters:

Full House of Pain?

Some people find the off-the-cuff "blue" comedic stylings of 80's bastion of single-dad paternity Bob Saget amusing, but he has apparently made a new enemy in the diabolic Dr. Cube. This past week, Saget made an appearance at a local Boston comedy club, promoting his new TV Game Show "Who Wants to Be a Deal or No Deal 5th Grader?" According to eyewitness accounts, the world's most evil monster mastermind, Dr. Cube, was "giddy with anticipation," for Saget's arrival, and stood in line for hours clutching one of Saget's press photos from the popular NBC sitcom "Full House." Upon Saget's arrival, Cube began shoving his way to the front, demanding Saget sign his photograph and inquiring to the location of "Uncle Jesse" and "Michelle." When Saget refused to sign his plush Danny Tanner doll, Cube's demeanor turned from "fab-boy" to irate.

While details are still sketchy to the events the occured inside the premises, Mr. Saget's performance resulted in Dr. Cube storming from the club, visibly agitated and tearing Saget's photograph to pieces. When questioned as to the reason for Cube's rage, Cube responded simply that, "HE KNOWS WHY!"

Dave Coulier could not be reached for comment, as he was reportedly hanging out in the back of a Canadian theater.

Kaiju at Some Tiny, Little Old, Backwoods Comic Book Convention

Kaiju Big Battel will be visiting San Diego this summer from July 26-29. While we're in town we'll be attending a young, upstart comic book convetion called San Diego International Comic-Con. It's unclear how many people will show up for this under-the-radar con, but rest assured Kaiju will have a booth.

  • July 26-29 at San Diego Comic-con
Pre-Order the Shocking Truth DVD

Otaku Con Callout

Do you have Kaiju fan photos from Anime Boston or APE? Email them to submit@kaiju.com for a chance to be this month's Otaku Fan King!

...And Knowing is Half the Battel?

In more Hero-related controversy, Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder was accosted this week in Shirock Park, Arkansas, by a pack of belligerent children. "He was trying to teach them strong dental hygiene!" shouted one highly unnerved parent. "What about the families that don't agree with that sort of lifestyle?!"

Forced once again to defend his actions, SPTB has professed that his intentions for the children were nothing short of advisory. "Kid's need to get their eight hours of sleep, brush their teeth, say their prayers, get their eight hours of sleep, take their vitamins, do good at school, eat a balanced diet, get their three hours of exercise a week, drink their milk, say no to drugs, get their eight hours of sleep, exhibit proper table manners, adhere to pedestrian crosswalks, respect their elders, get a maximum of five hours of television a week (not including PBS), don't go chasing money, never let someone photgraph you at an Anime Con, do what they want with their lives, read aloud so as to strengthen proper grammar and punctuation, turn off lights when they leave a room, don't brush their teeth with the water running (it saves gallons), support locally owned establishments instead of patronizing big business, try and have at least one athletic hobby, put aside an hour of "your time" every day, don't leave a lit roman candle unattended, don't play on thin ice, watch out if slippery when wet, if you hurt your nose while playing football, pinch it forward and fill it with tissue for around five minutes... if the bleeding persists, call a doctor, winning isn't everything - be humble, ummm, not 'til they're married, get their eight hours of sleep, brush your teeth ten times a da-" at which point he was abruptly cut off by the angry mob once more.

Join the Kaiju Anime Club

The Kaiju Anime Club is growing fast, and we're always looking for new member clubs. If your club is interested in joining, please sign up today, or email eric@kaiju.com for more info.

Question of the Week

Which of the new Faction T-Shirts is your favorite?

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