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Kaiju Big Battel News Flash 10/29/04

New Video Part 2.

Last week kaiju.com debuted the first installment of Los Plantanos VS The Grudyin & SDS-1. This brand new video, taped live at Tinsel Town Showdown in Los Angeles, revealed a boatload of shocking developments, including Chikako II's Ashlee Simpson-esque difficulties, the capture of Silver Potato by Dr. Cube's Posse, and the debut of the Super Minion Extreme-001 AKA Craw! At the conclusion of Part 1, the Posse had the upper hand. Can the Plantain Twins use their patented teamwork and happy feet to stage a comeback? Watch Los Plantanos VS The Grudyin & SDS-1 Part 2 to find out!

Limited Edition Poster.

With the holiday shopping season getting into gear, the Kaiju Commissioner decided to commission a brand new Limited Edition Kaiju Team Poster by ace Kaiju artist, Vinny Arnone. Vinny's design features representatives from each of the main Kaiju factions - Uchu Chu of Team Space Bug, Dr. Cube of Cube's Posse, Los Plantanos of the Kaiju Heroes, Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle of the Rogues, and Referee Jingi of the Human Co-stars. These highly quality, silkscreened posters are individually numbered and limited to a single run of 100. Get your poster now in the Kaiju Mall: priced at just $10 this limited edition collectable won't be around for long!

Dear Dr. Cube,

The other day in Rhode Island I noticed a Dr. Cube sticker. Your popularity in Rhode Island will grow. I have convinced my friends to pledge themselves to you. One even put your name in for school president. Oh and Congrats on winning the title, finally they can't cheat there way out from giving you what you deserve.

Your Servant
Names are worthless for you

p.s. may I receive a servant number.

Dear worthless human:

It will take more than feeble compliments to afford you a Minion serial number. You don't even have the terminology down. Servant? What do I look like Thomas Jefferson? I don't have servants, I have mindless Minions and although you are mindless, you are no Minion of mine. So, the short answer to your request is no.

Get sick and die,
Dr. Cube

Do you enjoy being berated by a megalomaniacal mad scientist? Then send your email to drcube@kaiju.com.

Louden's Championship Belt Contenders.

As a service to the Kaiju fan community, ace Kaiju commentator Louden Noxious will periodically provide his list of the Top 5 contenders for the Kaiju Championship Belt. While these ratings are non-binding, Louden always has a hand in creating Battel lineups - after all his uncle is the Commissioner.

1. Unibouzu - Uni's loss to that bastard man Dr. Cube comes with a giant, underwater asterisk. After all he fought twice that night, and was just plain tuckered out. He is deserving of a rematch.

2. Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle - As much as it sickens me, another Rogue is at the top of the list. Soup was robbed of his Championship Belt Battel title shot by Uni’s underhanded tactics, so he's next in line.

3. Neo Teppen - The heir to Silver Potato's legacy is Neo Teppen. With 27 secret powers he is primed to take on Dr. Cube and show him that "Good" always beats "Evil", Mel Brooks be damned!

4. Dusto Bunny - Dusto Bunny isn't just wise and learned: he's tough as nails and as powerful as one those high powered guns that shoots said nails into floorboards, and decks, and things like that! And he's been gunning for Dr. Cube for months now.

5. Uchu Chu - I'm not at liberty to disclose why I've placed Uchu Chu on this list, despite his extended absence from the Danger Cage. However, let me promise you this - he has a new, and deadly, score to settle with Dr. Cube.

Does Louden's list jive with you? Or do you think he's out of his gourd? Email him at louden@kaiju.com and let him know.

NASA Satellite Finds Frozen Remains.

In a press conference yesterday, NASA scientists revealed that the Cassini satellite, currently in orbit around Saturn's Titan moon, has made a shocking discovery - the frozen remains of one of Call-Me-Kevin's species, Aquies Erectus Extra-Terrestaliaris. While collecting samples in Saturn's frozen rings, the Cassini orbiter came across the upper torso of the creature encased in a block of ice. Scientists speculate that the remains were ejected from the planet Piscon 7 in the same disaster that sent Call-Me-Kevin to earth. NASA has utilized one of Cassini's ultra-high-power homing vehicles to send the frozen sample back to earth, where it is expected to be donated to a scientific institution for further study.

Ask the Commissioner.

I don't want to bite kaiji's style to much... But i want to make a kaiju style monster costume for halloween. I have lots of foam.... the big question is what glue do i use? and what kind of paint? I make costumes for circus performers, I've even made a bagle mascot costume. Check out my website. www.cicamica.com. - Ali C

Dear Ali,

I'm very excited that you're trying to build a Kaiju costume for Halloween. Hopefully you will choose to create a Heroic-type costume to give hope and joy to all the little children running around looking for treats of toothbrushes and dried fruit (and maybe a little candy too).

As far as materials for your costume, I'm not sure I can help you out. I'm afraid the monsters I deal with are far too real. Perhaps you should talk to someone like these folks who I understand have some experience with make-believe monster costumes.

I wish I could be more helpful, but best of luck with your costume creation, and be sure to submit your creation to our Halloween Costume Contest.

Your Friend,
The Kaiju Commissioner

Email a photo of your costume to rob@kaiju.com by November 2nd for your chance to win a huge prize-pack including a copy of an out-of-print Kaiju video, and your very own piece of the Danger Zone!

Beetle Backed Boston.

With practically the whole country (less St. Louis and New York) rooting the Red Sox to their first world series in 86 years, it was only natural that American Beetle put his patriotic powers behind the Sox too. But when the star-spangled champion showed up in the stands during Game 4 of the World Series, he found himself barraged by questions about who he supported in next week's presidential election. His reply: "Ningun Comentario". Despite Beetle's noncommittal reply, most observers assume his belief in "truth, justice, and the American way" pretty much rules out supporting the incumbent.

Question of the Week:

Will we ever see The Grudyin's Hello Kaiju Bio?

Kaiju Big Battel News Flash 10/22/04

Live on Tape from Hollywood!

At Tinsel Town Showdown, the Kaiju Commissioner made one last attempt to pull off an interference/beatdown-free Silver Potato Tribute. Predictably though, Cube's Posse interrupted and a tag team Battel broke out between Los Plantanos and The Grudyin & SDS-1. As the cameras rolled, mayhem ensued, and it's all been in documented in a new 3-part video, Los Plantanos VS The Grudyin & SDS-1. Watch Part 1 to see the debut of SMX-001 AKA Craw; Potato's kidnapping; and the now infamous Chikako II lip-synching incident. Part 2 will be posted next week right here at kaiju.com.

Return of the Fan King.

Over the summer, the Kaiju Commissioner was swamped with Big Battel duties, and he just didn't have time to select an Otaku Fan King. Thankfully, the Commissioner has a brand new intern, Melinda Cross, and she is hard at work helping the Big Battel's boss catch up on his to-do list. Thanks to Melinda, the Commish now has time to focus on more enjoyable tasks, like selecting the October Fan King - Aaron M. Aaron's Silver Potato illustration has earned him a Kaiju prize pack and the love and respect of his fellow Otaku artists. Check out Aaron's prize-winner, plus new fan art, a new fan photo, and something special for all the Red Sox fans in Otaku land.

If you want the chance to be next month's Fan King, send your submission to rob@kaiju.com, and await your coronation.

Costume Contest Continues.

The Kaiju Costume Contest is in full swing, and submissions are being accepted right up until the November 2nd deadline. If you've got a killer Cube costume, a gorey Gomi-man getup, or a slammin' Slo Feng suit, email your pics to rob@kaiju.com for your chance to win an amazing prize package including a copy of the out-of-print video "Video Buffet" and a top-secret bonus prize to be revealed next week!

Cube Continues to Block Bio.

Dr. Cube continues to obstruct the release of The Grudyin's Hello Kaiju Bio, turning now to the courts to further his agenda. Last week, Cube used intimidation to force the alteration of a controversial photo caption. This week he successfully sought an injunction to block the bio's release, citing the likelihood of irreparable damages due to the revelation of trade secrets. Unfazed, kaiju.com has launched an appeal, citing judicial bias, a charge seemingly backed up by the judge's clothing (a mask and medical scrubs underneath her black gown) and demeanor (drooling, moaning, and excessive gavel use). Should the appeal succeed, The Grudyin's bio will be posted immediately.

Kidrobot Kaiju Shirt On Sale!

The limited edition Kidrobot Kaiju Big Battel shirt is now on sale at kidrobot.com. Featuring Dr. Cube, Uchu Chu, Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle, Referee Jingi, Los Plantanos, and the Kidrobot mascot, this limited edition T is only available at Kidrobot's New York and San Francisco stores, and online at kidrobot.com.

In other Kaiju merch news, the Commissioner is preparing to launch a whole boatload of new and re-stocked Kaiju apparel and limited edition collectibles over the next 3 weeks. Stay tuned to kaiju.com and the Kaiju Web Mall for information on a brand new silk-screened poster, the return of Dr. Cube Thongs, and some other top secret items that we are not yet at liberty to discuss!

Question of the Week:

What is Louden doing at Kaiju Headquarters this week?

Kaiju Big Battel News Flash 10/15/04

Potato in Cube's Clutches.

When Cube's Posse crashed the Silver Potato tribute at Tinsel Town Showdown, they did more than ruin the party - they kidnapped the guest of honor! Dr. Cube's plans for the former champion and stalwart Hero are uncertain, and the evil doctor himself has been mum on the subject. So kaiju.com asked ordinary citizens what they thought Cube has planned for Potato. Some of the dastardliest responses:

"Cube will construct a giant microwave, place Potato in it, and turn the power knob to kill."

"Cube is going to use the technology behind potato clocks to turn Silver Potato into the power source for a new secret weapon."

"Potato is going to be shot from a giant Potato cannon into the side of Kaiju Headquarters, permanently eliminating the Kaiju Commissioner."

"4 words. Mutant, Killer, Fry, Guys."

"Dr. Cube will skin Potato alive, and use his tinfoil hide to fashion a hat to protect him from KRC spy satellites."

These horrible ends are tough to stomach, but in the spirit of the season, you can vote now for which fate you think awaits Kaiju's legendary Uber Tuber. Think all of the above are too outlandish, or perhaps not outlandish enough? Then share what fate you think awaits Potato in the Kaiju Message Board.

Kaiju Costume Contest.

During last year's Halloween season, kaiju.com received images of fans in hand-crafted Dr. Cube, Los Plantanos, and Silver Potato costumes. In the spirit of this burgeoning Halloween tradition, this year we will award a special prize pack (including a copy of the out-of-print "Video Buffet" and a secret one-of-a-kind collector's item to be revealed in the coming weeks) to the creator of the best Kaiju costume. Email pics of your Kaiju Halloween costume to rob@kaiju.com. Referee Jingi will pick the winner based on craft, materials, and creativity. Submissions must be received by November 2!

Kaiju and Kidrobot Team Up.

Kaiju Big Battel and urban vinyl action figure emporium Kidrobot have teamed up for a special limited edition T-Shirt. The shirt features Urban Deforms (super deforms meet urban vinyl style) of Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle, Uchu Chu, Dr. Cube, Referee Jingi, and Los Plantanos along with Kidrobot's mascot. This shirt will only be available through Kidrobot in a very limited run, and is a collector's item in the making. The T-Shirt is not yet for sale, but you can preview it now on Kidrobot's Clothing page.

For more Kaiju T-Shirts, plus DVDs, books, and more visit the Kaiju Web Mall, which is currently featuring a limited edition silkscreened poster by artist Tim Presley commemorating Tinsel Town Showdown for just $10!

Cube Tests New Products.

In an attempt to push his "Merch Lab" to new levels of profitability, Dr. Cube is currently test marketing several new products. Some of the more interesting products include Dr. Cube Syringe Popsicles, Limited Edition Marutambo Christmas Tree ornaments, and Super Dimensional Slug dipping sauce. Still, one of the most curious items Dr. Cube is considering for mass-market consumption is "Dr. Cube's Comics on Tape." Similar to the books on tape craze that took the nation by storm in the mid-80's, Cube aims to capitalize on time strapped adults who are too lazy to read Dr. Cube's pro-world domination literature but are interested in learning about his nefarious ways. As to how the comic illustrations will be conveyed on the tape format, Dr. Cube would not say.

Dr. Cube Blocks The Grudyin Bio!

Kaiju.com is a fiercely independent media source that refuses to bend to pressure from any Kaiju faction, but when Dr. Cube showed up at an editorial meeting this week armed with some sort of giant death ray, the Kaiju web team was forced to listen. The evil doctor had been tipped off that The Grudyin's Hello Kaiju Bio, which was to be published this week, contained a photo caption that made reference to The Grudyin's "teats". Cube demanded that the text in question be changed to "manly chest spikes". By the time a compromise had been reached it was too late to meet this week's publishing deadline, so The Grudyin's Bio will be published next week with the offending text stricken.

Question of the Week:

Can you say "teats" on the internet?