Batteling in Brooklyn

Commish Gives the 411 on Upcoming Battel!

In an exclusive interview with wrestling/entertainment/directory assistance site 411mania.com, the Kaiju Commissioner finally revealed the location of the next major fighto! On August 23rd, Kaiju Big Battel unleashes a rampage by the river, as Danger will happen in an outdoor Battel at The Yard in Brooklyn!

With the help of Steam-Powered Tentacle Boulder and an unsually cooperative Dr. Cube, the Commish answered a veritable gauntlet of hard-hitting questions, but nobody pulled any punches! Along with the long-awaited reveal of the next Battel, the Commissioner also briefly mentioned a poorly-marketed Battel in Podunk, Idaho last weekend that even Kaiju.com wasn't told about. We're still waiting for our Podunk correspondent to get back to us with results, so stay tuned!

But enough about the past! Mark your calendars for August 23rd, start hitchhiking your way to Brooklyn and check Kaiju.com for more updates on this explosive BBQ Battel!

What: Kaiju Big Battel at The Yard in Brooklyn
Where: The Yard, 388-400 Carroll St, Brooklyn, NY
When: Saturday, August 23rd
Tickets: More info coming soon...

Two New T-Shirts

To commemorate the release of the new Vegetius vinyl figure from Marmit, the Kaiju Commissioner invited Yoriko Shiraishi to design a limited-edition three-color Vegetius Gold T-shirt. Printed on a comfortable gold 100% cotton shirt, this limited-edition design (only 60 made) is worth it's weight in..... platinum.

Also, a new Dr. Cube Comminionist T-Shirt has been created to help honor the monolithic power of Cube. This "commi" inspired three-color design by Rand Borden is available on a 100% cotton in both black and caribbean blue. This future classic design is limited to 72 shirts.

Twin Trial Triumph for Amigos

Before winning the Kaiju Championship Belt last fall, Call-Me-Kevin suffered brutal defeat after brutal defeat in his Kaiju career. After a brief respite, the former Sea Amigo lost yet again earlier this week, but this time, it was in the courtroom.

The Honorable And Malicious Judge Baron von Gavelstein not only dismissed the monster's request to stay a member of the Amigos, but also ordered Kevin to pay back his entire share of royalties earned from any Amigo merchandising over the years.

"I mean, technically, I can't legally add that last part in, since it was the red guy who was the plaintiff," Gavelstein said afterwards, "but I feel good about my decision. Besides, look at him. He's a wierdo."

"We don't have this money," declared Kevin's lawyer Arthur Sprinkles in a single-sentenced prepared statement. More to come as the story develops.

Ape Escaped?

Lost in the shuffle amongst the everyday chaos wrought by Dr. Cube, former Kaiju and Tandem Champion Hell Monkey has not been seen in public since last year's More Better Fighto at the Warsaw. A notorious party animal, Hell Monkey used to be a fixture in bars and liquor stores across the country; an life-style which once cost him the Kaiju Championship. But after losing the Double Danger Tandem Titles to Neo Teppen and American Beetle last fall, Hell Monkey has disappeared completely. Dr. Cube isn't giving any clear answers about the Satanic Simian's whereabouts, either:

"I don't know where he is. Stop asking. He's probably throwing his own feces at someone or something. Stop bothering me. Get off my lawn."

If Hell Monkey doesn't show his face before the end of the year, the Kaiju Commissioner will have no choice but to declare him MIA, a designation previously held only by HoffaBot 2000, who disappeared 10 years ago after trying to unionize the Kaiju Heroes.

Calendar Kaiju

Live Big Battels:

Aug 23, The Yard, Booklyn, NY

Question of the Week

What big-time, non-Big Battel event has Kaiju HQ shutting down this weekend?

Intern Nearing End of Internship

The Hero Intern '08, still stinging from his loss to The Grudyin last month, is counting down the days to his promotion to full-fledged Kaiju Hero. Intern, who was undefeated in his first three Fightos before a rookie mistake cost him the fourth, admits to spending most days at the Kaiju Headquarters dreaming up names for his Hero persona, cool moves that involve opponents being dropped on their heads, and elaborate stances and taunts for use before, during, and after his matches.

"I'm leaning towards Texas Death Commando as my name. That's no dark is it? I'll wear those cool Chuck Norris action jeans that you can fight in. Honestly, I haven't done anything productive here in the office in two months," the Intern said. "You're not gonna print that, are you?"

RoBox Nano 3G Touch Air Breaks, Gets Lost in Couch

One week after debuting to much fanfare, the new RoBox Touch Nano Air 3G snapped in half when it was hit by a breeze from a nearby open window. The RoBox 3G Air Touch Nano was designed to replace the older, larger RoBox, but has been written off as a total loss since earlier today when it fell between the couch cushions. RoBox Classic is expected to retain his position as the boxiest member of the Kaiju Heroes.

Kaiju Seeks New
Web Wrangler

Kaiju Big Battel's longtime web wrangler is very tired and is seeking a responsible, motivated designer to handle the day-to-day business of the Kaiju website. This is an excellent opportunity to join the Battel team, and work with a dynamic and creative Studio Kaiju staff. The perfect candidate is a wiz at HTML and CSS, has a designer's eye, and loves the Big Battel. PHP is a plus, but not required. Compensation is meager, but the creative rewards are substantial. New web wranglers will have an opportunity to explore new creative directions for kaiju.com, and craft the online presence for the universe's premier monster Batteling organization.

If you are interested, please email rob@kaiju.com, and put "New Web Wrangler" in the subject. Please include links to some sample work.