Kaiju Tools Get Email Updates Buy Kaiju's Debut Book Discuss Email this page
Kaiju Big Battel
Cube Experiments on Santa

Santa's Unfortunate Accident

Get Your Gifts By Friday the 15th

No one want socks for the holidays, they want Kaiju stuff! So don't dilly-dally: Kaiju Mall orders must be placed by Friday December 15th to ensure delivery in time for Christmas. There's tons of great gifts available - see below for details - and don't forget that all orders of $30 or more get a free limited edition pin set, and $50 orders get a free Super Wrong's Pocket Disco Ball.

Remembering Pablo

The holidays are a great time to remember friends who have passed on and become homicidal killer zombies. So it's with fond memories that we offer a brand new Famous Battel Bideo, Los Plantanos vs Gomi-man and Hell Monkey, featuring the late Kaiju Hero Pablo Plantain.

Secret Satan

If there's one thing Dr. Cube cares about more than anything (other than mayhem, murder, chaos, destruction, and world domination), it's the kids. That's why ever year he sends out his number one henchman Hell Monkey to play Secret Satan to all the underprivileged kids out there. What exactly is Secret Satan? Well it's just like a Secret Santa, but instead of getting a toy, kids get a visit from Hell Monkey, and instead of giving them joy he gives them an antifreeze lobotomy, and a lifetime of zombie servitude as one of Cube's mindless Minions!

Happy Hero Holidays

Not all Kaiju are as grinchy as Dr. Cube and Hell Monkey. The Kaiju Heroes are spending this holiday season spreading cheer throughout the globe. Pedro Plantain is throwing a Feliz Navidad & Zombie Awareness Fiesta in Bogota. American Beetle has organized a very special holiday variety show for the troops in Iraq starring Jessica Simpson, Yakov Smirnov, and a special appearance by the Kaiju Commissioner (via satellite) as Santa Claus. Tad Bradley Hawaiian Paddler is hosting 12 consecutive Hanukkah Luaus beginning on December 15th. Even notoriously surly Hero Slo Feng is getting in on the act - handing out complimentary red and green Swedish meatballs at IKEAs around the world.

Anime Phoenix Kaiju Doc

As the Kaiju face men, Louden Noxious and Beav love to press the flesh and they went press-flesh crazy at the recent Anime Phoenix Fest. In addition to making millions of new friends, they got a super-sized dose of cosplay madness... the experience was almost two much for them to handle. Check out Louden and Beav's brand new youtube bideo documenting the entire experience.

Happy Holidays from Dr. Cube

Dr. Cube is the merriest of merry men during the Holiday season. That's why he's invited Santa Claus and Rudolph to his Greenland bunker for a cookie and a cup of hot - wait, what's that machine for? Why's The Grudyin strapping St. Nick down and attaching some sort of DNA-sucking device to his head. In the name of all that is ho-ho-holy, what is Cube doing to Santa Claus!!!

Well, maybe Dr. Cube isn't the Holiday fan we thought he was. Well at least he was nice enough to bring a little seasonal joy with the release of two new products into the Kaiju Mall this week. For the Minion in your family, Cube is now offering camouflage bandito bandanas decked out with his world famous Cube and Crossbones logo on either woodland green camo, or urban assault blue camo. And for all of Dr. Cube's women out there, the new baby blue Danger Can Happen girlie underwear is now available in the Kaiju Mall.

Don't forget the other great holiday gifts now in the Mall, including the limited edition annual Kaiju Holiday Greeting Card (see above for the design by Ryan Klemek of Crazy Cupcake Designs), T-Shirt & Book Holiday Packs for just $24.99, Limited Edition 10" Stickers, T-Shirts, Kaiju Art Prints, and more. Plus there are two special holiday season bonuses: Spend $35 or more (not including shipping) and get a free set of Limited Edition Pins; spend $50 or more and get a free Super Wrong's Pocket Disco Ball!

Dusto Video Memories

Before becoming a charter member of Super Wrong's Yokusuka Jump Squad at Shpadoinkel Mania XVIII, sage hare Dusto Bunny was the Hero's secret weapon. Whenever another heroic Kaiju was down for the count, at his last wits, or up a six inch creek with a ten-ton paddle in a leaky canoo crawling with angry badgers, Dusto was there to save the day. During this holiday season, take a moment to reminisce about those simpler times when a Hero was a Hero, no one had ever heard about the Yokusuka Jump Squad, and Dusto Bunny always saved the day*. Kick start the memories by watching the brand new Famous Battel Bideo: Dusto Bunny vs Vegetius, where the dusty one bails out American Beetle from a beatdown by feral birdle Vegetius.

* Unless the persons in peril were Saves the Day - Dusto hates emo.

Top Ten Kaiju Gifts This Year

  1. Kaiju Greeting Card
  2. Cube Bandito Bandana
  3. Danger Can Happen Underwear
  4. Shpadoinkel Mania XVIII Art Print
  5. Limited Edition Pin Set
  6. Minion Militia Kits
  7. Big Sticker Pack
  8. DVD-Shirt Combo Deal
  9. Soup Girlie Hoodie
  10. Super Wrong Christmas ornament

Soup Away But Available

Kaiju Champion Kung-Fu Chicken Noodle has relocated to Japan to continue his training under Master Wong. While in Japan, Soup will expand his martial arts training into the realm of karate. Although a tough disciplinarian, Master Wong realizes the importance of fan support and is accepting fan mail on behalf of Soup at his training facility. Fans of the brutal noodle are encouraged to write the Kaiju Champ at the following address:

C/O Mr. M. Wong
200 Hanadacho Hyakukita
#102 Vintage Honda 2 Tou
441-8019 Aichi-Ken

Cube Study Group Releases Report

The Cube Study Group, a non-partisan committee of diplomats, Kaiju experts, Dangerticians, and former KRC agents, has issued a report lambasting the Commissioner's efforts to control Dr. Cube. According to the report, the Cube containment effort is "grave and deteriorating. There is no path that can guarantee success, but the prospects can be improved." Specifically the CSG's report suggests the Commissioner needs to "pull his head out of his Butter Battle Book," and try a new strategy for countering Cube's campaign of evil against every man, woman, child, and Santa. The Commissioner has resisted a change in tactics however, saying "I will not stop, I cannot stop, until the Heroes pop Cube's top!"

Work with Kaiju

You got what it takes to protect the world from giant city-crushing monsters? Then the Kaiju Commissioner wants you! Video, web, and design Interns wanted now. Check out the Kaiju Jobs page for full details.

Question of the Week

Will Beav get a Bio page for Christmas?

Pre-Order the Shocking Truth DVD

Water Found on Mars. Teppen Says "Duh."

According to a recent report from NASA researchers, evidence has been found of water on the surface of Earth. While this may come as a shock to all the Mars and/or H20 enthusiasts out there, it comes as no surprise to Kaiju Hero Neo Teppen. Teppen, who discovered the gem that gives him his power while exploring Mars, claims to have seen water in a genuine Martian river, and promises that if he ever returns to the dusty red planet he'll bring along new Hero Tad Bradley Hawaiian Paddler so they can rip the Martian curl together. Meanwhile, Teppen's secret alter ego, astronaut Jim Summitt, denies ever seeing any water on Mars, and claims to have no idea how to rip an Earth curl, never mind an extraterrestrial one.

Big AZ Thanks

The Kaiju Commissioner would like to give a warm thanks to all the kind folks at Phoenix Anime Fest. Louden Noxious, Beav, Pedro, Dr. Cube, and the Grudyin really appreciated the royal guest treatment they received at the three-day con. The weekend's highlights included Louden and Beav hosting the cosplay contest, the Grudyin terrorizing convention attendees, and a late night screening of the upcoming DVD release More Better Fighto where Beav drank way too much "soda." Kaiju is already looking forward to returning next year.

Keep an eye out for the other cons screening the DVD this winter/spring:

  • December 30 at Chibi-Pa in West Palm Beach, FL
  • May 5-6 at SyndiCon 2006 in Valpairso, IN

The Kaiju Anime Club is growing fast, and we're always looking for new member clubs. If your club is interested in joining, please sign up today, or email eric@kaiju.com for more info.

Ask the Commissioner


You poor misguided fool... as a member of the cube liberation front i would like to let it be known that unless you offer two commentary roles to give an unbiased view of the battels instead of the hero orientated one that your clueless nephew seems to have... sure Dino Kang Jr. is good at that job yet we believe that he needs more support since he did lose his mother and needs the moral guidance that only a number of the good Doctor's loyal followers can show him what is Good (Dr. Cube) and evil (Yourself being the primary example). Until the fall of you and your edible confectionary empire i would like to say good luck and Cube Bless.

C. Knuidson
Director of the C.L.F. Information division

Dear Mr. Knuidson:

I appreciate your question, but it appears that you have been brainwashed by the evil Dr. Cube. Still, I agree that by offering multiple points of view, we will achieve a greater understanding of the complex world of Kaiju Big Battel. I am therefore launching a worldwide search for a new Kaiju analyst. I don't see how having anyone from Dr. Cube's Posse will add any meaningful insight, but I would like to hear from a female voice in the Big Battel. I will keep you updated on my search for the next Kaiju personality. Thank you for your great advice.

Your Friend,
Kaiju Commissioner

Do you have a question for the Commish? Email him at commissioner@kaiju.com.

Bottom Border