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American Beetle VS Call-Me-Kevin

Like the first part, but better.

Call-Me-Kevin Can't Win

Last week, the Kaiju Commissioner was challenged by Kaiju fan Jay from Revere, who claimed that despite all evidence to the contrary, Kaiju's perennial patsy Call-Me-Kevin had in fact once won a Big Battel at the Warsaw in Brooklyn. Outraged that anyone would call into question Call-Me-Kevin's official Kaiju win-loss record of 0-many, the Commissioner dug up video proof that the loser lobster-thing was not victorious in Brooklyn. In part 1 of American Beetle VS Call-Me-Kevin, the undersea agitator was beaten about the head by both the patriotic pugilist and an uninvited guest - feral Rogue Vegetius. American Beetle VS Call-Me-Kevin Part 2 finds Kevin performing poorly as usual, while Vegetius makes sure his shell-shocking appearance leaves a lasting impression.

The Commissioner hopes that this evidence will put an end to Kaiju fans claiming that Call-Me-Kevin gets a bad rap. Ultimately though, the Big Battel boss is happy enough knowing that he runs the show, while Call-Me-Kevin just runs in circles, while trying to avoid yet another Big Battel loss.

RoBox Revealed

Each year, E3 hosts all the heavyweights of the video game industry as they show off new wares and try to enrapture the geeky masses with eye candy, both electronic and human. This year all the pre-show scuttlebutt was about new consoles from Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo. However the nofriendo debuts have been overshadowed by a surprise exhibition from the world's leading producer of cybernetic super Heroes and Kaiju defense technologies - Robo Dynamics.

In a four and a half hour keynote presentation yesterday, lead Robo Dynamics engineer Dr. Nikolai offered the nerd herd a peak at the inner workings of the Big Battel's Heroic square, RoBox. Standing next to the slinky-armed Hero himself, Dr. Nikolai revealed that RoBox is powered by a state-of-the-art Dual Processor Commodore 64 PRS-80. When Nikolai explained that this advanced microprocessor is as powerful as an Intellivision and an Apple II combined, the crowd exploded in applause. Unfortunately the wave of clapping overloaded RoBox's audio system and caused a system crash, and Nikolai had to nix a planned demonstration of RoBox's newest cutting feature - a 5 1/4" double-sided floppy disk drive!

This Week In Kaiju History

2004 - New Kaiju villain Vegan Vampire debuts.

Question of the Week

Alex, where the hell are those shirts?

Pre-Order the Shocking Truth DVD

Apes of Wraths Facts.

Recently the debut of the Apes of Wraths T-shirt heralded the arrival of Dr. Cube's newest tag team force. But these menacing monkeys aren't simply a marketing ploy put together to move some merchandise. They are a legit combo that has already tangled with Los Plantanos and terrorized Silver Potato and J-Pop superstar Chikako. Want to learn more? Check out these Apes of Wraths facts:

Fact: The Apes of Wraths has two members, Hell Monkey and The Grudyin.

Fact: Hell Monkey is very clean and smells of roses, while The Grudyin smells like the ape house at the zoo.

Fact: Hell Monkey is from the depths of Hades, while The Grudyin is from one of Dr. Cube's test tubes.

Fact: Hell Monkey can throw fireballs. The Grudyin can shoot poisonous milk from his teats.

Fact: Hell Monkey is red. The Grudyin is not.

Fact: The Apes of Wraths do not yet have a signature move, but Louden Noxious is currently trying out names for whenever they come up with one.

Fact: The Apes of Wraths has an 's' at the end. Don't spell it 'Apes of Wrath' unless you want two 20-story monkeys hurling feces at your door.

Fact: Dr. Cube's gorilla Minion (as seen in the epic The Swarm, at the end of the new Shocking Truth DVD) is not part of the Apes of Wraths, despite what he tells women at singles bars.

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